Mitt Romney won the New Hampshire Primary yesterday. Once again, it appears that Tea Partiers and other "real" Republicans will be forced to hold their collective noses and vote more against a Democratic presidential candidate than for a Republican who shares their values. Sure, Romney in 2012 or McCain in 2008 were better than a certain Kenyan-born Socialist with a suspiciously Muslim-sounding name, but what the GOP needs is a vice presidential candidate who can get their juices flowing.
Someone like Sarah Palin, for example. When she burst onto the scene in 2008, she was the Tea Party's Dream. Pro-life? She had that Downs Syndrome baby. Pro-military? Her son was shipping off to Iraq with the Alaska National Guard. Pro-gun? Merely a Lifetime NRA member with several notches on her rifle barrel for shooting moose. Big hair? Got it. As if any real Republican woman doesn't have big hair. The Imagineers at Disney could not have created a more perfect candidate. The GOP's conservative base was re-energized. The McCain - Palin ticket almost won.
Is there a Sarah 2.0 out there to team with Romney and put the GOP back in the White House in 2012? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the next Vice President of the United States of America - Tim Tebow!
Only the wholesome, handsome Denver Bronco quarterback can bring in the Religious Right vote plus the NFL Dad vote plus the "I don't know anything about politics. I just vote for the cuter guy." vote. That surely will swing the election to Romney - Tebow.
Pro-life? Tim espouses abstinence until marriage. Pro-military? Tebow is a regular on the USO Athlete Tour circuit. Pro-religion? The guy kneels and prays after big plays. Big hair? Romney has that perfect "helmet head" coiffure, but Tim has an actual helmet on his head.
The Republicans pulled Sarah Palin from political obscurity and nearly stole the 2008 election. Can they spring Sarah 2.0, Tim Tebow on us in 2012 and regain the White House?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Nostradamus McCartney
I had two thoughts upon first hearing The Beatles recording of "When I'm 64":
1. What a totally Paul song. John must be throwing up in his mouth that this trite piece of trash is listed as "Lennon - McCartney".
2. That's the extent of excitement at age 64? A Valentine? A bottle of wine? A cottage on the Isle of Wight (if it's not too drear and only if we scrimp and save)? I'm 19 years old now with my whole life ahead of me. By the time I'm 64, I'll be as rich as Hugh Hefner and as daring as James Bond.
I turned 64 yesterday. It turns out that Paul McCartney was a lot more accurate in his prediction of life as a senior citizen than I was 47 years ago. "When I get older losing my hair many years from now." Yup, Paul nailed that one. What Paul missed was that the hair that no longer grows on my sexagenarian scalp now sprouts wildly from my ears and nostrils. "When I get older, ha-hair will grow. In unlikely places" may be true but doesn't fit the meter of the song.
"If I'd been out 'til quarter to three, would you lock the door?" In 1967, I foolishly thought that Paul meant 2:45 AM. That is, after all, the shank of the evening for a 19 year old. The only "quarter to three" that we 64 year olds are likely to see is the one in the afternoon just before our nap time. Of course, we lock the door before our post-lunch snooze. Paul is two for two in his predictions.
"Doing the garden. Digging the weeds. Who could ask for more?" Seriously, Mr McCartney? In 1967, the "more" I would ask for was more booze, more music, and more speed from the family's decrepit car that I had to beg to drive. In 2012, a quiet morning puttering around the yard actually does satisfy. Nostradamus McCartney did it again.
1. What a totally Paul song. John must be throwing up in his mouth that this trite piece of trash is listed as "Lennon - McCartney".
2. That's the extent of excitement at age 64? A Valentine? A bottle of wine? A cottage on the Isle of Wight (if it's not too drear and only if we scrimp and save)? I'm 19 years old now with my whole life ahead of me. By the time I'm 64, I'll be as rich as Hugh Hefner and as daring as James Bond.
I turned 64 yesterday. It turns out that Paul McCartney was a lot more accurate in his prediction of life as a senior citizen than I was 47 years ago. "When I get older losing my hair many years from now." Yup, Paul nailed that one. What Paul missed was that the hair that no longer grows on my sexagenarian scalp now sprouts wildly from my ears and nostrils. "When I get older, ha-hair will grow. In unlikely places" may be true but doesn't fit the meter of the song.
"If I'd been out 'til quarter to three, would you lock the door?" In 1967, I foolishly thought that Paul meant 2:45 AM. That is, after all, the shank of the evening for a 19 year old. The only "quarter to three" that we 64 year olds are likely to see is the one in the afternoon just before our nap time. Of course, we lock the door before our post-lunch snooze. Paul is two for two in his predictions.
"Doing the garden. Digging the weeds. Who could ask for more?" Seriously, Mr McCartney? In 1967, the "more" I would ask for was more booze, more music, and more speed from the family's decrepit car that I had to beg to drive. In 2012, a quiet morning puttering around the yard actually does satisfy. Nostradamus McCartney did it again.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Out Of It Old Guy
I never thought that I would become the uncool old guy who failed to keep up with popular music. "Bah, this modern stuff sounds like two angry cats fighting in a bag. Give me Lawrence Welk any day."
Until recently, I may not have appreciated their music, but I at least had heard of the chart-topping musicians like Justin Bieber, Katie Perry, and The Black-Eyed Peas. I have now descended into full-blown Out Of It Old Guy Mode.
Rolling Stone magazine is staging its first Super Bowl Party. The Feb. 4 concert will be staged in a converted warehouse in Indianapolis, a mere two blocks from the site of the Big Game. It will feature "four of America's hottest acts":
LMFAO, possessing the #1 and #9 songs on the Billboard Top 100
Gym Class Heroes with two #1 hits and another moving rapidly up the charts
Cobra Starship whose "You Make Me Feel" is #31 on the Top 100, and
Lupe Fiasco nominated for three Grammy Awards this year
What do all these groups have in common besides a big payday in February? I never heard of them. But that's OK because I'm an Out Of It Old Guy. What else do they have in common? It will cost $1,000 per ticket to catch them at the Rolling Stone Super Bowl Bash. Now there are probably tons of Out Of It Old Guys who have the will and the means to cough up $1,000 to see, for example, the Rolling Stones. Can there be thousands of LMFAO fans who have $1,000 to spend to catch a 45 minute set of their heroes playing in a converted warehouse in Indianapolis?
Meanwhile we Out Of It Old Guys eagerly snap up tickets to the Super Bowl Game at $2,500 each even though no one knows which teams will play in it. Maybe we really are Out Of It. Those kids going to the Rolling Stone Bash at least know who the performers will be.
Until recently, I may not have appreciated their music, but I at least had heard of the chart-topping musicians like Justin Bieber, Katie Perry, and The Black-Eyed Peas. I have now descended into full-blown Out Of It Old Guy Mode.
Rolling Stone magazine is staging its first Super Bowl Party. The Feb. 4 concert will be staged in a converted warehouse in Indianapolis, a mere two blocks from the site of the Big Game. It will feature "four of America's hottest acts":
LMFAO, possessing the #1 and #9 songs on the Billboard Top 100
Gym Class Heroes with two #1 hits and another moving rapidly up the charts
Cobra Starship whose "You Make Me Feel" is #31 on the Top 100, and
Lupe Fiasco nominated for three Grammy Awards this year
What do all these groups have in common besides a big payday in February? I never heard of them. But that's OK because I'm an Out Of It Old Guy. What else do they have in common? It will cost $1,000 per ticket to catch them at the Rolling Stone Super Bowl Bash. Now there are probably tons of Out Of It Old Guys who have the will and the means to cough up $1,000 to see, for example, the Rolling Stones. Can there be thousands of LMFAO fans who have $1,000 to spend to catch a 45 minute set of their heroes playing in a converted warehouse in Indianapolis?
Meanwhile we Out Of It Old Guys eagerly snap up tickets to the Super Bowl Game at $2,500 each even though no one knows which teams will play in it. Maybe we really are Out Of It. Those kids going to the Rolling Stone Bash at least know who the performers will be.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Plaigarism?
Oscar Season is almost upon us. The Producers Guild of America released its top ten nominees for Film of the Year including three that are currently at the local cineplex - "The Descendants", "The Adventures of Tintin", and "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". Moviegoers pretty much rejected that list. The top-grossing films for the last week of 2011 were the latest installments of the "Mission Impossible", "Sherlock Holmes" and "Chipmunks" franchises. America was essentially saying, "Don't ask me to think, Hollywood. When I put out my $10 for a ticket, I want something mindless, preferably with characters that I've seen before."
What is a screenwriter to do? What original plots can he devise for Tom Cruise, Robert Downey, Jr. and Alvin in for the upcoming "MI:5", "Sherlock 3", and "Chipmunks 3"? Actually, the scripters for "Mission Impossible:4" solved that dilemma by taking a page from, of all things, professional wrestling.
At the climax of the movie, all appears lost. Tom Cruise is horribly beaten and has a broken leg. It looks like World War III is on the way and it is all the Impossible Mission Team's fault. Then the Bad Guy makes the mistake of mocking Tom and looking away. In that instant, Tom slowly rises despite his infirmities, draws strength from who knows where, overpowers the Bad Guy, undoes his nefarious plot, and we have a happy ending.
This is exactly the plot of a memorable Indian Chief Jay Strongbow wrestling match with Greg "The Hammer" Valentine in 1979. The Chief dominated at the start of the match just like Tom and the MI Team "cruise-d" through any initial difficulties in the movie. Then calamity struck. For the Chief, it was the dreaded "illegal object". The Hammer pulled a steel pipe from beneath the canvas and proceeded to pummel "The Pride of Pohaska, Oklahoma" with it. For Tom Cruise, the Bad Guy blows up the Kremlin, the MI team are the only logical culprits, and a manic chase ensues. Both Jay and Tom put up a brave fight, but the odds were insurmountable.
Strongbow crumpled to the canvas. As The Hammer strutted around the ring, the Warrior Spirit took hold of the Chief. He began a war whoop and a one-legged war dance. Her delivered several tomahawk chops and finished The Hammer off with his patented "bow and arrow stretch".
I've not seen "Mission Impossible 4" and I'm not sure if Tom Cruise invoked his Warrior Spirit, did a war whoop, danced one-legged, and applied his patented "cruise missile smash".
Still, the parallels between the current movie and the 1979 wrestling match are uncanny.
Had the screenwriters for "The Descendants", etc, borrowed a plot line from '70s pro wrestling, their movie might be raking in millions. Best Film Awards are nice and all, but they don't fill seats in the cineplex.
What is a screenwriter to do? What original plots can he devise for Tom Cruise, Robert Downey, Jr. and Alvin in for the upcoming "MI:5", "Sherlock 3", and "Chipmunks 3"? Actually, the scripters for "Mission Impossible:4" solved that dilemma by taking a page from, of all things, professional wrestling.
At the climax of the movie, all appears lost. Tom Cruise is horribly beaten and has a broken leg. It looks like World War III is on the way and it is all the Impossible Mission Team's fault. Then the Bad Guy makes the mistake of mocking Tom and looking away. In that instant, Tom slowly rises despite his infirmities, draws strength from who knows where, overpowers the Bad Guy, undoes his nefarious plot, and we have a happy ending.
This is exactly the plot of a memorable Indian Chief Jay Strongbow wrestling match with Greg "The Hammer" Valentine in 1979. The Chief dominated at the start of the match just like Tom and the MI Team "cruise-d" through any initial difficulties in the movie. Then calamity struck. For the Chief, it was the dreaded "illegal object". The Hammer pulled a steel pipe from beneath the canvas and proceeded to pummel "The Pride of Pohaska, Oklahoma" with it. For Tom Cruise, the Bad Guy blows up the Kremlin, the MI team are the only logical culprits, and a manic chase ensues. Both Jay and Tom put up a brave fight, but the odds were insurmountable.
Strongbow crumpled to the canvas. As The Hammer strutted around the ring, the Warrior Spirit took hold of the Chief. He began a war whoop and a one-legged war dance. Her delivered several tomahawk chops and finished The Hammer off with his patented "bow and arrow stretch".
I've not seen "Mission Impossible 4" and I'm not sure if Tom Cruise invoked his Warrior Spirit, did a war whoop, danced one-legged, and applied his patented "cruise missile smash".
Still, the parallels between the current movie and the 1979 wrestling match are uncanny.
Had the screenwriters for "The Descendants", etc, borrowed a plot line from '70s pro wrestling, their movie might be raking in millions. Best Film Awards are nice and all, but they don't fill seats in the cineplex.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
All in the Shoes
There are few places where this not-so-well-preserved 63 year old can look like the youngest person in the room. Early church services, weekday movie matinees, and "mall walking" at 8 AM come to mind. All are sites for senior bonhomie - sparkling conversation about grandchildren's accomplishments and humorous recollections of medical misadventures. "Then that doctor who looked about 12 years old prescribed this medication that cost an arm and a leg so I just went home and took a physic and was good as new." (Note to Readers under 60 - Physic is senior talk for laxative.)
There is one senior gathering place, however, where bonhomie does not apply - the Medical Testing Waiting Room. We seniors jostle for position outside the door at its 6:30 AM opening time cranky from the required 12 hour fast for our blood test. "That old bag with the walker is not getting to the sign-in sheet before me. I'm starving and the senior breakfast special at the diner is only good until 8 AM."
The people with the walkers set an effective blockade at the door this morning and I ended up number 10 on the sign-in sheet. It gave me plenty of time to look over my waiting room compadres. I realized that looking like the youngest person in the room is not a matter of actually being the youngest (We have to recite our birth dates several times during the sign-in process. About half the folks waiting were younger than I am.) nor is it a matter of being the best-groomed (I dressed in the dark this morning and combed my hair with my fingers as I rushed out the door.)
It is truly all in the shoes. Eight of ten folks sported those velcro-tab, faux-leather "athletic shoes". Only I wore tie-up shoes. I may have a few more miles on the odometer. I may look like I slept in a Dumpster. But, by God, I can still tie my own shoes. I've got to be the youngest-looking of this bunch.
There is one senior gathering place, however, where bonhomie does not apply - the Medical Testing Waiting Room. We seniors jostle for position outside the door at its 6:30 AM opening time cranky from the required 12 hour fast for our blood test. "That old bag with the walker is not getting to the sign-in sheet before me. I'm starving and the senior breakfast special at the diner is only good until 8 AM."
The people with the walkers set an effective blockade at the door this morning and I ended up number 10 on the sign-in sheet. It gave me plenty of time to look over my waiting room compadres. I realized that looking like the youngest person in the room is not a matter of actually being the youngest (We have to recite our birth dates several times during the sign-in process. About half the folks waiting were younger than I am.) nor is it a matter of being the best-groomed (I dressed in the dark this morning and combed my hair with my fingers as I rushed out the door.)
It is truly all in the shoes. Eight of ten folks sported those velcro-tab, faux-leather "athletic shoes". Only I wore tie-up shoes. I may have a few more miles on the odometer. I may look like I slept in a Dumpster. But, by God, I can still tie my own shoes. I've got to be the youngest-looking of this bunch.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Cool Ducks
The University of Oregon has the coolest football program ever. Its team is good, but what makes the Oregon Ducks stand out are their uniforms, their cheerleaders, their 4th quarter fan tradition, and especially their band. When your mascot is a sailor cap-clad Donald Duck look-alike, you've got to do something special to strike fear into the hearts of your opponents.
The Ducks took the field in yesterday's Rose Bowl wearing translucent reflective helmets that would not be out of place on the command deck of the Starship Enterprise. "Beam me to the end zone, Scotty." Oregon's uniforms featured a different color scheme for each game this year, but they saved the space age helmets for the Rose Bowl.
Oregon's cheerleaders are on scholarship. Other colleges go with the traditional pleated skirt, letter sweater, build a human pyramid concept of cheerleading. Oregon follows the NFL concept of scantily-clad dancers on the sidelines doing routines that would not be out of place at a "gentlemen's club". While scholarship football players are enrolled in Remedial Reading (of Defenses) 101, the scholarship cheer-babes are probably taking Music Appreciation 401 - The Proper Dance Moves to "Pour Some Sugar On Me".
Oregon's Rose Bowl opponent, Wisconsin, has a cool tradition - the 4th Quarter Jump-Around. As the teams switch ends of the field to begin the final stanza of the game, the Wisconsin band plays House of Pain's "Jump Around". Badger fans rise as one and pogo enthusiastically. Oregon did the Badgers one better in the Rose Bowl. The sound system blared the Isley Brother's "Shout" and Duck fans did the whole shimmy and raise hands in the air bit. I'm showing my age here, but I never heard of "Jump Around" and pogoing would send me to the orthopedist. On the other hand, "Shout" is the anthem of my generation and as they used to say on American Bandstand, "It's got a good beat and you can dance to it." Big picture, even middle-aged Duck fans can participate in the 4th quarter tradition.
Then there is the Oregon band. 90% of college marching bands are clad in uniforms featuring a buttoned-on bib in front (Do they serve lobster for the post-game meal?) with a plumed, inverted trashcan hat that hearkens back to Santa Ana's army storming the Alamo. Stanford and the Ivy League bands go with blazers, un-matched pants, and zany accouterments that scream "My Dad has enough money to send me here, so I can get away with this."
The Oregon band wear pullovers in the school colors and baseball caps. It's always Casual Friday here in the Land of Nike. Duck band members can walk to practice in uniform and not get mocked by the cool kids. "Hey, the War of 1812 is over. Put your uniform away, Winfield Scott."
By the way, Oregon won the Rose Bowl. Coolness triumphs!
The Ducks took the field in yesterday's Rose Bowl wearing translucent reflective helmets that would not be out of place on the command deck of the Starship Enterprise. "Beam me to the end zone, Scotty." Oregon's uniforms featured a different color scheme for each game this year, but they saved the space age helmets for the Rose Bowl.
Oregon's cheerleaders are on scholarship. Other colleges go with the traditional pleated skirt, letter sweater, build a human pyramid concept of cheerleading. Oregon follows the NFL concept of scantily-clad dancers on the sidelines doing routines that would not be out of place at a "gentlemen's club". While scholarship football players are enrolled in Remedial Reading (of Defenses) 101, the scholarship cheer-babes are probably taking Music Appreciation 401 - The Proper Dance Moves to "Pour Some Sugar On Me".
Oregon's Rose Bowl opponent, Wisconsin, has a cool tradition - the 4th Quarter Jump-Around. As the teams switch ends of the field to begin the final stanza of the game, the Wisconsin band plays House of Pain's "Jump Around". Badger fans rise as one and pogo enthusiastically. Oregon did the Badgers one better in the Rose Bowl. The sound system blared the Isley Brother's "Shout" and Duck fans did the whole shimmy and raise hands in the air bit. I'm showing my age here, but I never heard of "Jump Around" and pogoing would send me to the orthopedist. On the other hand, "Shout" is the anthem of my generation and as they used to say on American Bandstand, "It's got a good beat and you can dance to it." Big picture, even middle-aged Duck fans can participate in the 4th quarter tradition.
Then there is the Oregon band. 90% of college marching bands are clad in uniforms featuring a buttoned-on bib in front (Do they serve lobster for the post-game meal?) with a plumed, inverted trashcan hat that hearkens back to Santa Ana's army storming the Alamo. Stanford and the Ivy League bands go with blazers, un-matched pants, and zany accouterments that scream "My Dad has enough money to send me here, so I can get away with this."
The Oregon band wear pullovers in the school colors and baseball caps. It's always Casual Friday here in the Land of Nike. Duck band members can walk to practice in uniform and not get mocked by the cool kids. "Hey, the War of 1812 is over. Put your uniform away, Winfield Scott."
By the way, Oregon won the Rose Bowl. Coolness triumphs!
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012 Optimism
As we bid a not-so-fond farewell to 2011, we must look at our champagne glasses as being half-full, not half-empty. The New Year promises some improvement over the old. For those of us whose mailboxes and telephone answering machines are normally empty, Election Year 2012 will fill them with mailed campaign material and robo-calls. Senior citizens will be safe from social security or medicare cuts. What incumbent dares facing attack ads stating "He voted for Death Panels for Grandma!"? For those hoping to strike it rich, Kim Kardashian is single again. By the time her next groom is done counting his slice of 2012's $20 million wedding, the marriage will be annulled. It's better than the lottery.
Of course 2011 paid off for some. CEOs at Fortune 500 firms enjoyed a 36.5% jump in compensation last year. The most lucrative sector for CEO pay was health care. John Hammergren of McKesson Corp. which distributes drugs and health & beauty aids to pharmacies hauled in a cool $145 million.
This may seem like a lot of money, but what business has emjoyed more growth over the past decade than retail pharmacies? Every national chain store (Wal-Mart, Target) has a pharmacy. Every major grocery store (Wegman's, Giant) has a pharmacy. You can't throw a rock in any strip mall without hitting a CVS or a Walgreen's. Apparently, McKesson supplies all these outfits. If Mr Hammergren was smart enough to dominate this market, he deserves whatever he can get.
McKesson's days of glory may be short-lived though. Once the 2012 elections are over and Obamacare kicks in in 2013 and 2014, everyone will be on a mail-in drug plan. Corner pharmacies will go the way of corner grocery stores. "Hammer" Hammergren may want to think about investing some of that $145 million in a few well-placed campaign contributions or "scare tactic" SuperPAC commercials. "Thanks to Obamacare's mail-in pharmacy plan, Josh had to move back in to his parent's basement because he needed a permanent address to receive his prescriptions. His trash metal bandmates moved in as well. Now Clarence and Joyce get no sleep and their cat Snowball ran away. Vote 'No' on Obamacare."
2012 shopuld be interesting indeed.
Of course 2011 paid off for some. CEOs at Fortune 500 firms enjoyed a 36.5% jump in compensation last year. The most lucrative sector for CEO pay was health care. John Hammergren of McKesson Corp. which distributes drugs and health & beauty aids to pharmacies hauled in a cool $145 million.
This may seem like a lot of money, but what business has emjoyed more growth over the past decade than retail pharmacies? Every national chain store (Wal-Mart, Target) has a pharmacy. Every major grocery store (Wegman's, Giant) has a pharmacy. You can't throw a rock in any strip mall without hitting a CVS or a Walgreen's. Apparently, McKesson supplies all these outfits. If Mr Hammergren was smart enough to dominate this market, he deserves whatever he can get.
McKesson's days of glory may be short-lived though. Once the 2012 elections are over and Obamacare kicks in in 2013 and 2014, everyone will be on a mail-in drug plan. Corner pharmacies will go the way of corner grocery stores. "Hammer" Hammergren may want to think about investing some of that $145 million in a few well-placed campaign contributions or "scare tactic" SuperPAC commercials. "Thanks to Obamacare's mail-in pharmacy plan, Josh had to move back in to his parent's basement because he needed a permanent address to receive his prescriptions. His trash metal bandmates moved in as well. Now Clarence and Joyce get no sleep and their cat Snowball ran away. Vote 'No' on Obamacare."
2012 shopuld be interesting indeed.
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