As world population exceeds 7 billion and those old Malthusian concerns about food supply for that many people recur, it is reassuring to know that a Bethlehem restaurant offers the "Bender-Ender". This ten-ounce burger is topped by a fried egg and (of course) bacon and is stuffed in the middle of two grilled cheese sandwiches. This one sandwich includes more calories, protein, and fat than an average village in Bangladesh consumes in a week.
I'll have Diet Coke with mine. I must maintain my slim, girlish figure.
KFC unveiled an addition to its Famous Bowl in numerous TV ads this week. How can one improve on a bowl-ful of mashed potatoes, corn, gravy and crispy chicken bits? "We added bacon!", reply the perky KFC employees in the commercial. "Everything's better with bacon."
So true. Is it the nitrites or the fat or the cholestrol that give the Famous Bowl that extra zip? Who cares?
No to be outdone, Burger King offers the Triple Stacker. It includes three 5 oz beef patties, two slices of cheese, and three bacon strips smothered in Special Stacker Sauce. Note that the Triple Stacker does not contain any of that pesky lettuce, tomato or other "rabbit food" to interfere with its bacon-infused burger deliciousness.
In 1798, Thomas Malthus famously declared that when population growth exceeds grain supply, war, pestilence, and misery will result. Thanks to The Green Revolution, this has (fortunately) not occurred. If Malthus were alive today, he might amend his theory. "When population growth exceeds bacon supply, look out! After all, everything's better with bacon."
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
No Schwinns to China
Pundits point to our perilous financial state and the rise of China as harbingers of the fall of America on the world stage. It's actually much simpler than that. America's fortunes began to wane when we went to "English" bicycles.
We Children of the 1950s had two choices when we graduated from tricycles to "two-wheelers" - good old American-made Schwinns with sturdy metal frames and coaster brakes or "English" bikes with flimsy frames, hand brakes, and all of three gears. It was so much easier tackling hills by gearing down with those lightweight "English" bikes. Later, bikes had up to ten gears and American kids grew ever softer. Is it a coincidence that American Schwinn-riding kids of the 30s and 40s grew up strong and won two world wars while English bike riders lost their Empire? Is it a coincidence that after "English" bikes came to America, we fought to a draw in Korea and gave up Viet Nam?
Pedaling that massive Schwinn up the hill not only developed physical endurance, it made us mentally tough. There's no easy way out. There's no low - low gear to ease that pain. Schwinn riders would never package sub-prime mortgages and scuttle the economy while hauling in huge bonuses. They would take their medicine and like it.
All is not lost, however. Our Chinese rivals appear to favor "ten speed" bikes. Much as it would help our Balance of Payments, we must never export Schwinns to China. Let them grow soft physically and mentally. America will rise again.
We Children of the 1950s had two choices when we graduated from tricycles to "two-wheelers" - good old American-made Schwinns with sturdy metal frames and coaster brakes or "English" bikes with flimsy frames, hand brakes, and all of three gears. It was so much easier tackling hills by gearing down with those lightweight "English" bikes. Later, bikes had up to ten gears and American kids grew ever softer. Is it a coincidence that American Schwinn-riding kids of the 30s and 40s grew up strong and won two world wars while English bike riders lost their Empire? Is it a coincidence that after "English" bikes came to America, we fought to a draw in Korea and gave up Viet Nam?
Pedaling that massive Schwinn up the hill not only developed physical endurance, it made us mentally tough. There's no easy way out. There's no low - low gear to ease that pain. Schwinn riders would never package sub-prime mortgages and scuttle the economy while hauling in huge bonuses. They would take their medicine and like it.
All is not lost, however. Our Chinese rivals appear to favor "ten speed" bikes. Much as it would help our Balance of Payments, we must never export Schwinns to China. Let them grow soft physically and mentally. America will rise again.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Rebarkably Refreshing
I love my dog, but there are limits. I will feed him the finest kibble (all natural, no fillers) and provide him the proper medication (surprisingly expensive), but I will NOT give him trendy bottled water. If tap water is good enough for me, it's good enough for a canine who would just as soon drink from the toilet bowl.
Yet, there is a market for the stuff. I recently saw an internet ad stating:
"K9 Water Co., Inc. is proud to offer you Toilet Water, Puddle Water, Hose Water
and Gutter Water, the world’s first flavored, vitamin fortified bottled water specifically formulated to provide your dog with essential vitamins that contribute to overall
good health and provide the hydration your dog needs.
Our water can be enjoyed in four of the flavors dogs enjoy most: chicken, beef, liver and lamb.
Try all four tasty flavors today and your dog will rave that it is Rebarkably Refreshing!™"
Get that? ReBARKably refreshing? It's not a typo, but a trademarked phrase. Somewhere, an English teacher is wondering why she ever went into the profession.
If my drinking water contains only chlorine (and perhaps a touch of fecal colioform), my dog's water will NOT include "essential vitamins that contribute to overall good health". Which is the dominant species here anyway?
I might buy it though just to taste liver-flavored water. I imagine that chicken, beef, or lamb-flavored water would taste something like diluted soups of the same name, but liver flavor? That would be a taste treat unlike any in my experience. And this is from a guy who once ate a "Pupperoni" doggie treat by mistake (or possibly one too many beers).
My "boy" may whine that "all the other dogs in the neighborhood carry around bottled water" and that "times have changed", but I hereby play the "I'm the master. You're the pet" card. If anyone in this family gets vitamin-fortified liver-flavored water, it's me.
Yet, there is a market for the stuff. I recently saw an internet ad stating:
"K9 Water Co., Inc. is proud to offer you Toilet Water, Puddle Water, Hose Water
and Gutter Water, the world’s first flavored, vitamin fortified bottled water specifically formulated to provide your dog with essential vitamins that contribute to overall
good health and provide the hydration your dog needs.
Our water can be enjoyed in four of the flavors dogs enjoy most: chicken, beef, liver and lamb.
Try all four tasty flavors today and your dog will rave that it is Rebarkably Refreshing!™"
Get that? ReBARKably refreshing? It's not a typo, but a trademarked phrase. Somewhere, an English teacher is wondering why she ever went into the profession.
If my drinking water contains only chlorine (and perhaps a touch of fecal colioform), my dog's water will NOT include "essential vitamins that contribute to overall good health". Which is the dominant species here anyway?
I might buy it though just to taste liver-flavored water. I imagine that chicken, beef, or lamb-flavored water would taste something like diluted soups of the same name, but liver flavor? That would be a taste treat unlike any in my experience. And this is from a guy who once ate a "Pupperoni" doggie treat by mistake (or possibly one too many beers).
My "boy" may whine that "all the other dogs in the neighborhood carry around bottled water" and that "times have changed", but I hereby play the "I'm the master. You're the pet" card. If anyone in this family gets vitamin-fortified liver-flavored water, it's me.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The Power of Advertising
Chilly October mornings require a hot breakfast cereal.
Back in the day, three cereals divided the market. There was oatmeal, granular, sticky, and reminiscent of those oatmeal baths that we kids had to take when poison ivy attacked. Not my favorite. I had nightmares about drowning in that gelatinous mass. There was shredded wheat, not the glazed, bite size chunks that you see today, but cakes of the stuff. Mom would pour water or hot milk over the shredded wheat to soften it up, but it would be either gloppy like paste or still hard and scratchy when swallowed. Not a taste treat. Finally, there was Cream of Wheat, smooth, consistent, and great with cinnamon or raisins.
You would think that, of the three, Cream of Wheat would be the big seller nowadays. Yet, McDonald's features oatmeal on its breakfast menu. I blame it all on Wilfred Brimley. When a cranky old guy tells you that oatmeal is good for your heart, you believe him. "I'll have oatmeal instead of Cream of Wheat this morning, Alice. I know it tastes like crap and I'm never sure whether to chew it before I swallow, but it kept old Wilfred going all these years."
That is the power of advertising. We pass up Cream of Wheat that tastes better and is probably just as nutritious for oatmeal because an old coot with a white mustache told us so.
Stand up for your rights, America! Eat Cream of Wheat. As an old coot with a white mustache (and a goatee to boot), I volunteer for the advertising campaign.
Back in the day, three cereals divided the market. There was oatmeal, granular, sticky, and reminiscent of those oatmeal baths that we kids had to take when poison ivy attacked. Not my favorite. I had nightmares about drowning in that gelatinous mass. There was shredded wheat, not the glazed, bite size chunks that you see today, but cakes of the stuff. Mom would pour water or hot milk over the shredded wheat to soften it up, but it would be either gloppy like paste or still hard and scratchy when swallowed. Not a taste treat. Finally, there was Cream of Wheat, smooth, consistent, and great with cinnamon or raisins.
You would think that, of the three, Cream of Wheat would be the big seller nowadays. Yet, McDonald's features oatmeal on its breakfast menu. I blame it all on Wilfred Brimley. When a cranky old guy tells you that oatmeal is good for your heart, you believe him. "I'll have oatmeal instead of Cream of Wheat this morning, Alice. I know it tastes like crap and I'm never sure whether to chew it before I swallow, but it kept old Wilfred going all these years."
That is the power of advertising. We pass up Cream of Wheat that tastes better and is probably just as nutritious for oatmeal because an old coot with a white mustache told us so.
Stand up for your rights, America! Eat Cream of Wheat. As an old coot with a white mustache (and a goatee to boot), I volunteer for the advertising campaign.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Seven Finger Solution
They say that you should never trust a skinny chef or a mechanic with clean fingernails. To that, I would add that you should never trust a tree surgeon with all of his fingers.
I met with a tree guy to discuss some work this week and was at first appalled that he was lacking three digits on his right hand. Then I felt reassured. Here is a man of experience who has tackled the forest primeval, taken his lumps, and emerged victorious.
The Verizon Yellow Pages conducted an advertising campaign this past summer featuring the "Super Guarantee". Designated "Super Contractors" were backed with a money back promise. In the ads, the contractors wore a flowing yellow cape, not unlike that worn by Superman. In fact, at Musik (with a k) fest, Verizon handed out yellow capes mostly to kids giving Volksplatz the look of a failed "modern sculpture" by Christo and Jean Claude.
Who needs capes to designate proficiency in working with one's hands though? With just one glance, it is easy to discern masters of the mechanical arts. A top-notch carpenter always has flattened fingertips and bruised fingernails. The best electricians invariably have "stick out" hair and a wide-eyed, permanently shocked look. Master plumbers carry the detritus from pipes they have removed on their clothing. Experienced welders proudly bear slag scars. These are not deformities, but badges of honor and experience.
I know that my tree job is in good hands. Only seven fingers, but good hands nonetheless.
I met with a tree guy to discuss some work this week and was at first appalled that he was lacking three digits on his right hand. Then I felt reassured. Here is a man of experience who has tackled the forest primeval, taken his lumps, and emerged victorious.
The Verizon Yellow Pages conducted an advertising campaign this past summer featuring the "Super Guarantee". Designated "Super Contractors" were backed with a money back promise. In the ads, the contractors wore a flowing yellow cape, not unlike that worn by Superman. In fact, at Musik (with a k) fest, Verizon handed out yellow capes mostly to kids giving Volksplatz the look of a failed "modern sculpture" by Christo and Jean Claude.
Who needs capes to designate proficiency in working with one's hands though? With just one glance, it is easy to discern masters of the mechanical arts. A top-notch carpenter always has flattened fingertips and bruised fingernails. The best electricians invariably have "stick out" hair and a wide-eyed, permanently shocked look. Master plumbers carry the detritus from pipes they have removed on their clothing. Experienced welders proudly bear slag scars. These are not deformities, but badges of honor and experience.
I know that my tree job is in good hands. Only seven fingers, but good hands nonetheless.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Coughlin's Law
Searching through my tee-shirt drawer yesterday, I realized that my prized Ryan Howard Phillies shirt had settled toward the bottom of the stack. This is the same shirt that had to be literally ripped off my body for periodic laundering during the oh-so-satisfying 2011 regular season or, for that matter, the preceding five glory years. I just couldn't bear to wear it again after the disappointment of this year's playoff failure.
Coughlin's Law states, "Everything must end badly. Otherwise, it would never end." So it is with the recent success of my beloved Phillies. Ryan Howard ruptured his achilles tendon. Cole Hamels is having surgery on his pitching elbow. Rumor has it that Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Madsen, and Raul Ibanez will depart as free agents. Placido Polanco and Chase Utley had injury-plagued seasons and aren't getting any younger. The latest Golden Age of Phillies Baseball appears to be ending very badly, indeed.
But all is not lost. They will come back. The World Champion 1980 Phillies settled into 28 years of mediocrity until they won another title, but they did come back. Unfortunately, if it takes another 28 years for the Phils to win the World Series, it is highly unlikely that I will be alive to see it. I must cherish this moment. I will wear my Ryan Howard shirt until it falls from my body in tatters. I will proudly display Ryan's #6 past throngs of jeering Mets fans. If the 2011 season was my last shot, I will go out with my head held high.
Another World Series win would have been great, though. Damn you, Coughlin.
Coughlin's Law states, "Everything must end badly. Otherwise, it would never end." So it is with the recent success of my beloved Phillies. Ryan Howard ruptured his achilles tendon. Cole Hamels is having surgery on his pitching elbow. Rumor has it that Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Madsen, and Raul Ibanez will depart as free agents. Placido Polanco and Chase Utley had injury-plagued seasons and aren't getting any younger. The latest Golden Age of Phillies Baseball appears to be ending very badly, indeed.
But all is not lost. They will come back. The World Champion 1980 Phillies settled into 28 years of mediocrity until they won another title, but they did come back. Unfortunately, if it takes another 28 years for the Phils to win the World Series, it is highly unlikely that I will be alive to see it. I must cherish this moment. I will wear my Ryan Howard shirt until it falls from my body in tatters. I will proudly display Ryan's #6 past throngs of jeering Mets fans. If the 2011 season was my last shot, I will go out with my head held high.
Another World Series win would have been great, though. Damn you, Coughlin.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Trade-Offs
It was scary growing up in the early 60s. Today's Express-Times notes that on this day in 1961, the newspaper informed its readers what would happen if a 50 megaton nuclear weapon were dropped on Easton's Center Circle. "Virtually all of Easton, Phillipsburg and the contiguous communities would vanish from the face of the earth. The initial violence of fission would vaporize everything within a mile radius of its point of explosion. The ensuing fireball would burgeon out over a seven mile radius consuming buildings and burning to death everyone outside the sturdiest underground shelters."
Whether the school basement area with those scary yellow and black signs qualified as a "sturdy underground shelter" was open to question. Our weekly drill of ducking beneath our school desks with out arms over our heads certainly didn't.
Paranoia increased when 10th grade Hygiene class changed from learning the three bones in the inner ear (hammer, anvil, and stirrup) for the fifth consecutive year to Nuclear Survival. "The Russians will certainly drop a bomb on Bethlehem Steel, so the Christmas City will be vaporized. The greatest danger for the rest of northeastern PA is nuclear fallout." The thing I'll always remember was that we were given wrapped loaves of bread and knives and shown how to carefully cut and peel back its wrapping so that nasty fallout wouldn't get on the bread itself.
Fifty years later, I realize that handing a knife to a 14 year old in a classroom setting might be more dangerous than nuclear fallout. Also, once the wrapper was removed, fallout would contaminate the exposed bread immediately. Still, the manually dexterous among us who successfully completed this task were given certificates and charged with insuring our families' survival.
As a side note, the sandwiches served in the school cafeteria on those days seemed to have more dirty fingerprints on them than usual.
Life is a series of trade-offs. 10th grade Hygiene traded potential stabbings in the hallways and likely post-lunch food poisoning for providing 14 year olds the knowledge to lead their families to post-nuclear safety. And they say that school isn't relevant.
Whether the school basement area with those scary yellow and black signs qualified as a "sturdy underground shelter" was open to question. Our weekly drill of ducking beneath our school desks with out arms over our heads certainly didn't.
Paranoia increased when 10th grade Hygiene class changed from learning the three bones in the inner ear (hammer, anvil, and stirrup) for the fifth consecutive year to Nuclear Survival. "The Russians will certainly drop a bomb on Bethlehem Steel, so the Christmas City will be vaporized. The greatest danger for the rest of northeastern PA is nuclear fallout." The thing I'll always remember was that we were given wrapped loaves of bread and knives and shown how to carefully cut and peel back its wrapping so that nasty fallout wouldn't get on the bread itself.
Fifty years later, I realize that handing a knife to a 14 year old in a classroom setting might be more dangerous than nuclear fallout. Also, once the wrapper was removed, fallout would contaminate the exposed bread immediately. Still, the manually dexterous among us who successfully completed this task were given certificates and charged with insuring our families' survival.
As a side note, the sandwiches served in the school cafeteria on those days seemed to have more dirty fingerprints on them than usual.
Life is a series of trade-offs. 10th grade Hygiene traded potential stabbings in the hallways and likely post-lunch food poisoning for providing 14 year olds the knowledge to lead their families to post-nuclear safety. And they say that school isn't relevant.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Carnivores on the Loose
We old-timers remember when it took a veritable blizzard for school to be called off. Unless the snow was over the Kindergarteners' heads and they couldn't breathe, we trudged through snow drifts to the old schoolhouse. Nowadays, a forecast for "wintry mix" (whatever that is) shuts down the Halls of Learning even if roads are dry at 7 AM.
Schools take any excuse to shut down - the First Day of Hunting Season, the Jewish High Holy Days, Teacher In-Service. Four school districts near Columbus, OH found a new excuse - Carnivores on the Loose. The keeper of an Exotic Animal Preserve was found dead yesterday and all the animal pens were opened. There are lions, tigers, and bears (Oh my!) not to mention wolves and other large carnivores wandering the Ohio countryside right now. Experts from the Columbus Zoo recommend that local residents stay indoors. Little Tiffany and Josh waiting at the school bus stop might look like Olde Country Buffet to a hungry lion.
My hometown lacked a zoo or even a nearby Exotic Animal Preserve. Still, I think that a pack of hungry wolves on the loose might have caused even our hard-hearted School Superintendent to call off classes. Many a time, I prayed for a blizzard when I was unprepared for a math or science test. Of course that was only realistic in mid-winter. Kids today have it so easy. They can avoid that test and get school called off any time of the year if there is a Breakout at the Zoo. No wonder the US ranks above only Swaziland and Bolivia in academic performance.
Schools take any excuse to shut down - the First Day of Hunting Season, the Jewish High Holy Days, Teacher In-Service. Four school districts near Columbus, OH found a new excuse - Carnivores on the Loose. The keeper of an Exotic Animal Preserve was found dead yesterday and all the animal pens were opened. There are lions, tigers, and bears (Oh my!) not to mention wolves and other large carnivores wandering the Ohio countryside right now. Experts from the Columbus Zoo recommend that local residents stay indoors. Little Tiffany and Josh waiting at the school bus stop might look like Olde Country Buffet to a hungry lion.
My hometown lacked a zoo or even a nearby Exotic Animal Preserve. Still, I think that a pack of hungry wolves on the loose might have caused even our hard-hearted School Superintendent to call off classes. Many a time, I prayed for a blizzard when I was unprepared for a math or science test. Of course that was only realistic in mid-winter. Kids today have it so easy. They can avoid that test and get school called off any time of the year if there is a Breakout at the Zoo. No wonder the US ranks above only Swaziland and Bolivia in academic performance.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Risky Behavior
You know it's a slow news day when the Today Show has a feature story on a woman who massages sharks into hypnosis in its first half hour. "Concentrate only on my hand, Sharky. You are getting sleepy...sleepy. Your eyelids are getting heavy...heavy. What do you mean you don't have eyelids? Cousteau, get me out of here before Sharky wakes up!"
The feature story that set my blood boiling though was that of a Michigan man who was jailed for Child Abuse for using his 9 year old daughter as his Designated Driver. A gas station convenience store camera with audio showed him buying the girl a candy apple and bragging that he was drunk and she was his driving his van. There was exterior video that showed the little girl hopping into a Safety Seat behind the wheel and pulling away from the pumps.
The issue here is whether it is better to have a 9 year old (possibly on a sugar high from that candy apple) or a drunk driving down the Interstate. I contend that the Public Safety is improved with the 9 year old. This is not Child Abuse. It is what all those Miller Lite commercial tag lines "Drink Responsibly" urge us to do.
Proponents of raising the Driving Age tell us that 16 year olds lack sufficient brain development to determine "risky behavior". Yet, we have an adult massaging sharks. My guess is that the Michigan 9 year old's brain is sufficiently developed to avoid manual contact with sharks and also to get her drunken Dad safely home.
The feature story that set my blood boiling though was that of a Michigan man who was jailed for Child Abuse for using his 9 year old daughter as his Designated Driver. A gas station convenience store camera with audio showed him buying the girl a candy apple and bragging that he was drunk and she was his driving his van. There was exterior video that showed the little girl hopping into a Safety Seat behind the wheel and pulling away from the pumps.
The issue here is whether it is better to have a 9 year old (possibly on a sugar high from that candy apple) or a drunk driving down the Interstate. I contend that the Public Safety is improved with the 9 year old. This is not Child Abuse. It is what all those Miller Lite commercial tag lines "Drink Responsibly" urge us to do.
Proponents of raising the Driving Age tell us that 16 year olds lack sufficient brain development to determine "risky behavior". Yet, we have an adult massaging sharks. My guess is that the Michigan 9 year old's brain is sufficiently developed to avoid manual contact with sharks and also to get her drunken Dad safely home.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Just Another Brick in the Wall
People love to be scared. Halloween ranks only behind Christmas for consumer spending. You can't flip your TV remote without choosing a vampire, zombie, or attractive blonde wearing a semi-revealing outfit in peril show (or in the case of the Twilight trilogy - not-terribly-attractive and modestly dressed. We're Christians here!).
If it works for entertainment, why not use "scare tactics" in politics? Actually, it has worked out quite well in the past. Kennedy used the "Missle Gap". ("Elect Nixon and the Russians will have Sputniks orbiting your kids pre-school!). LBJ used the mushroom cloud behind the little girl picking daisies. ("If Goldwater wins, he will bomb our enemies back to the Stone Age and they might retaliate.") Bush Senior used Willie Horton. ("Dukakis let a murderer out on a prison furlough and he raped and murdered again. How good are your door locks, really?), and Bush, Jr had the whole Swift Boat thing (Sure, Kerry volunteered for dangerous service in Viet Nam while I used my Daddy's connections to go to Texas Air National Guard drills when I felt like it, but he probably didn't deserve those three Purple Hearts. Do you want a liar in the White House?")
Michele Bachmann is now using scare tactics to spur her Presidential bid. Saturday, she promised to build a fence on the US - Mexico border "And it will be every mile. It will be every yard. It will be every inch of that border because the portion you fail to secure is a highway into the US." Michele now kicks in with The Big Scare. "Fifty-nine thousand illegals came across that border this year from nations other than Mexico. They were from Yemen and from Syria. These are nations that are state sponsors of terrorism!"
Fifty-nine thousand crazed Arab terrorists swimming the Rio Grande and showing up on my suburban cul-de-sac each year! OMG! Build that fence, Michele!
Of course, Michele didn't exactly get her facts straight. Yemen is technically not a sponsor of terrorism per the State Dept, but the big one is that those 59,000 non-Mexican illegals were almost entirely Central and South Americans taking the only land path to the US from the south.
Not that the facts matter. We know that Frankenstein was actually a cultivated British actor in platform shoes, but he still scares us. We know that the 9/11 bombers entered this country legally through airports not by infiltrating from Mexico, but a big, honking wall will make us feel more secure. As H.L.Mencken said, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public" or failed to be elected either.
If it works for entertainment, why not use "scare tactics" in politics? Actually, it has worked out quite well in the past. Kennedy used the "Missle Gap". ("Elect Nixon and the Russians will have Sputniks orbiting your kids pre-school!). LBJ used the mushroom cloud behind the little girl picking daisies. ("If Goldwater wins, he will bomb our enemies back to the Stone Age and they might retaliate.") Bush Senior used Willie Horton. ("Dukakis let a murderer out on a prison furlough and he raped and murdered again. How good are your door locks, really?), and Bush, Jr had the whole Swift Boat thing (Sure, Kerry volunteered for dangerous service in Viet Nam while I used my Daddy's connections to go to Texas Air National Guard drills when I felt like it, but he probably didn't deserve those three Purple Hearts. Do you want a liar in the White House?")
Michele Bachmann is now using scare tactics to spur her Presidential bid. Saturday, she promised to build a fence on the US - Mexico border "And it will be every mile. It will be every yard. It will be every inch of that border because the portion you fail to secure is a highway into the US." Michele now kicks in with The Big Scare. "Fifty-nine thousand illegals came across that border this year from nations other than Mexico. They were from Yemen and from Syria. These are nations that are state sponsors of terrorism!"
Fifty-nine thousand crazed Arab terrorists swimming the Rio Grande and showing up on my suburban cul-de-sac each year! OMG! Build that fence, Michele!
Of course, Michele didn't exactly get her facts straight. Yemen is technically not a sponsor of terrorism per the State Dept, but the big one is that those 59,000 non-Mexican illegals were almost entirely Central and South Americans taking the only land path to the US from the south.
Not that the facts matter. We know that Frankenstein was actually a cultivated British actor in platform shoes, but he still scares us. We know that the 9/11 bombers entered this country legally through airports not by infiltrating from Mexico, but a big, honking wall will make us feel more secure. As H.L.Mencken said, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public" or failed to be elected either.
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