Friday, March 2, 2012

Side Effects

Daytime TV has plenty of commercials aimed at us seniors. They range from the practical (Cell phones with giant illuminated number keys and none of those trendy options that only kids go for like programmable ring tones) to the dainty (Never again suffer the embarrassment of running into friends in the Adult Incontinence Aisle. We ship your needed items to you in unmarked packages!).

The preeminent product advertised is drugs. "Ask your doctor about our brand name drug before its patent expires and we have to reduce its price by half to match that of generics that are just as good."

That darned over-regulating, job-killing government requires that the commercials mention drug side effects. Everyone knows the classic "For erections lasting more than four hours, seek immediate medical assistance." Everyone tunes out "Side effects include dizziness, drowsiness, and constipation." Hey, I get those from eating rutabaga.

Only Abilify, a drug for schizophrenia, states "Side effects may include death." Now, there's a side effect. Its website notes that elderly patients on Abilify suffered nearly two times the death rate of those on a placebo, 4.5% versus 2.6%.

I will risk a four hour erection. I will take a chance on dizziness, drowsiness, and constipation. I will think twice before taking a pill that doubles my chance of death. Maybe that over-regulating, job-killing government is doing us all a favor by requiring mention of side effects.

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