Monday, November 29, 2010

Investment Advice

What can Justin Bieber do for an encore after conquering the music world, establishing the hair style for a generation, and wriiting an autobiography?

Why, star in a movie, of course! And not just any movie, but a 3-D extravaganza. And not just your average concert movie. Even Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers did that. According to Justin himself, "It's a story of how my family, friends, and fans helped me get here and every day are helping me live an impossible dream." In other words, Justin's movie lacks plot, conflict, tension, and resolution. If you want that stuff in a movie, rent "Citizen Kane".

Tickets go on sale today (just in time for the holidays!) for a special sneak preview of Justin's film on February 9. For a mere $30, the ticket package includes limited edition purple 3-D glasses, a souvenir VIP event lanyard, and an Official Justin Bieber Glow Stick and Bracelet. Imagine the squeals of delight as little Tiffany discovers this under the tree on Christmas morn.

Try to keep Tiff (or bratty little brother Josh) from prematurely activating the glow stick though. In fact, wise parents might consider keeping the entire Justin package in its original wrappings. Over the past decade, the stock market has gone up a whopping 2%. That's not going to cover Josh and Tiff's future tuition at Harvard. The only investments that skyrocketed were gold (up 400%) and celebrity memoribilia (Beatles lunchboxes sell for thousands today).

Come to think about it, Justin Bieber might be the Beatles of the 21st century. Domination of the music world? Check. Hair style progenitors? Check. Movies? Check (and Justin gets an advantage because his is in 3-D). Surely Justin memorabilia will be worth a fortune in a decade or so (and just in time to finance college for Tiff and Josh).

Parents! Withdraw Josh and Tiffany's college fund from the stock market. Invest it in Justin Bieber memorabilia. While Mr Dow and Mr Jones have to send their kids to community college because their investments tanked, your offspring will be traipsing through ivy-covered halls.

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