Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Driver's Manual Addendum

The Pennsylvania Driver's Manual includes all those items necessary for fledgling motorists to pass the dreaded "written test" and eventually obtain a license. Alas, I've forgotten how close I can park to a fire hydrant, what the speed limit is on unposted streets, and how soon before turning I need to signal. Still, there's one thing that every young driver should know and it doesn't even appear in the Manual. Do not make an obscene hand gesture toward another vehicle if its driver is a professional football player in a bad mood.

Two weeks ago, a 38 year old man was driving his Honda Civic ( a manly machine if ever there was one) in suburban Washington, DC. He felt that a pick-up truck with dark-tinted windows was tailgating him. He made "an obscene hand gesture" toward the pick-up and immediately regretted that action at the next stop light. The pick-up's driver emerged and nearly blotted out the sun. It was Albert Haynesworth, a 350 lb defensive lineman for the Washington Redskins. Mr Haynesworth is accustomed to tossing around 300 lb offensive lineman like rag dolls. It was no problem for him to remove the driver from his Honda. In fact, it would have been no problem for Albert to lift the Civic and shake the driver out like getting the last fry from a McDonald's packet. Albert then allegedly assaulted the Honda driver who ended up with a broken nose.

Knowing all that stuff in the Driver's Manual will keep novice drivers from getting a traffic ticket and that's a good thing. Knowing not to give the finger to someone who weighs twice as much as you do will keep novice drivers from getting a broken nose and that's even better. PENNDOT should add that information to the next edition of its Driver's Manual.

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