Think of the Seniors

Only two age groups gather joyously before 7 AM on weekdays - those under the age of 7 and those over the age of 70. While their older siblings slouch grouchily at the school bus stop, Kindergarteners and 1st and 2nd graders greet their peers with shouts and glee. The retiree mall walkers and early-shopping oldsters at Wegman's raise quite a ruckus when they get together shortly after dawn analyzing the previous night's "Dancing With The Stars" and complaining about "the govmint".

There is one significant exception to this rule. The seniors in the phlebotomist's waiting room have fasted for the requisite twelve hours prior to their blood test. Their blood sugar is low. Their attitude is bad. A basketful of adorable puppies could tumble into that room and it would not raise a smile on a single senior's face. Gimlet-eyed, they stare down each person signing in at Reception. "If they let that schmoe in ahead of me. I'll break both his legs even though he is gasping for breath and looks like he won't last the day.

I had a blood test this morning. The same oldsters who smile at me and make a big fuss over the dog during his morning walks now avoided eye contact. No friendly greetings were exchanged. The air was saturated with malice and fear that my laced-up Adidas would allow me to sprint to the Exam Room faster than they could hobble in on their velcroed orthopedic shoes.

There is only one solution. Instead of The Weather Channel on the waiting room TV. the phlebotomist should alternate re-runs of "The Golden Girls" and "Matlock". Nothing cheers seniors more than TV shows that portray them as witty, sexy, and clever in the courtroom. " Who cares if that guy who just walked in the door jumps the line, we've got to hear Bea Arthur's latest acerbic quip or how Andy Griffith will get his client off. That Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast will still be there."

Let's make the phlebotomist's waiting room a happy place. Bring on those Golden Girls and Matlock.