Authentic Accents

"The Office" almost convinces me that it is truly set in Scranton. "Froggy 101" stickers adorn cubicle walls. The break room cold drink machine advertises not Coke or Pepsi, but good old Crystal Club. Cooper's Seafood Restaurant is mentioned reverently. The characters have bad haircuts.

But the show falls short whenever the word "Scranton" is spoken. Michael, Jim, and Pam pronounce every single letter even the "nt" in the middle. Real natives pronounce it "Scra-uh" just like our neighbors down the Wyoming Valley pronounce their home town's name as "Wills Barrah".

If "The Office" had been set in Bethlehem, Lehigh Valley natives would expect it to be authentically pronounced "Bethlum". If set across the mighty Delaware, it would be Dunder-Mifflin Fulpsburg Branch. In either case, we would see Z-95 or possibly Cat Country 96 stickers, A-Treat soda machines, and still (Are there no hairstylists in Pennsylvania?) bad haircuts.

The point is that non-native script writers are unfamiliar with our tendency to ignore those pesky mid-name syllables. Only here do Christmas carolers sing, "Oh, little town of Beth (hold for a note) lum."

This will be Steve Carrel's last season on "The Office". Steve should insist on authentic accents before he departs. "I bounced the bahl against the wahl in Scra-uh Steamtown Mahll". I am available as a dialog coach to get that flat "Ah" sound just right.