Royal Watcher

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" is the classic conversation-starter between adults and kids. The kid's answer ("A cowboy", "A princess", "A hedge fund manager") is irrelevant until that day when we face our 8th grade Guidance Counselor. Our stated career choice in that interview determines whether we take Algebra or Practical Math, Biology or Shop, Spanish or Home Economics during our high school years.

This interview is tough on the kids, but must be even more difficult for the Guidance Counselors. Imagine when 13 year old Marlon Brando told his Counselor that he wanted to be a movie star. "You may want to re-think that, Marlon. You are losing your hair, will weigh 300 lbs, and you mumble. Cary Grant, you are not. Have you considered making big money driving an 18 wheeler?"

My 8th grade Guidance Counselor had had her fill of prospective professional athletes, astronauts, and mafia capos (I went to a tough school) by the time I came in for my interview. When I told her I wanted to be a fireman, she wailed, "Why doesn't anyone want to be something original?"

I've searched for a truly original occupation ever since. I finally found it yesterday. "Today" had a piece from Buckingham Palace concerning the upcoming William and Kate wedding by a guy whose title was listed not as "Senior London Correspondent" or "NBC News" but as "Royal Watcher". The fast-breaking news story that the "Royal Watcher" revealed was that Prince William was seen wearing sneakers when he and Kate went out to eat. Woodward and Bernstein never had a scoop like that.

Now there is a unique job - keeping tabs on a semi-dysfunctional, incredibly wealthy family and reporting to the world every ten years or so when they do something interesting or (hopefully) scandalous. I should have told my Guidance Counselor that I wanted to be a "Royal Watcher". It would have broken the boredom of her day and set me on the path to a satisfying career.