I awoke yesterday morning to find all the clocks reading one hour ahead of what they should read. Clearly, I am now living in The Future, and doing so without the aid of a DeLorean and a functional flux capacitor. What does The Future hold? Here is the scoop from One Who Is Living There:
The Sun will lose it a lot faster than those 21st century scientists predicted. It's dark at 6 AM here in the Future though it seems to stay light until 7 PM for some reason.
Apple will release the iPad2 thrilling those techno-geeks who will line up in the cold and rain outside the Apple Store at 4 AM. Remarkably, the iPad2 with all its new and improved features will be the same price as the original iPad. Yo, techno-geeks! As much fun as it was to be the first on your block to have the original iPad, had you waited a few months, you could have had a better device at the same price and avoided that stay in the hospital due to exposure and pneumonia.
The National Football League lockout will still prevent football from starting up in September, 2011. Despite our fears, the world will not end. In fact, the divorce rate will plummet. Wives will be thrilled that all those household tasks are accomplished on autumn Sundays and that the money that used to go to Benny the Bookie now pays for a romantic dinner.
Hollywood will run out of comic book superheroes as subjects for movies. The Green Hornet didn't even have superpowers for heaven's sake. No wonder the Seth Rogen movie tanked. Fortunately, comic book superheroes will find a new home on Broadway. "Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark" will survive scathing reviews and $150 ticket prices for a long run on The Great White Way. "Dad, take me to the Spiderman show. Maybe tonight will be the performance where the flying support cables get tangled and Spidey crashes and fractures something. Hey, you watch hockey or the fights and watch NASCAR hoping for a crash."
There you have it. The Future is much like the present.
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