Dire Need?

There are a number of things for which our Lehigh Valley has a "dire need". A few more traffic lanes on Route 22 during rush hour comes to mind. Low-fat funnel cake would be a boon during Musik (with a k) fest. A Michele Bachmann-designed electrified fence with alligator-filled moat along the Delaware to keep out those Jersey and NY interlopers would not be unwelcome.

A recent addition to that list came from Jerry Deifer, co-founder of Vision Entertainment Group earlier this week. Jerry proposed a dance club for Bethlehem's Sands Casino claiming that "there is a dire need for a new, up-scale night life experience in the Lehigh Valley." Apparently, Jerry has never spent a rollicking Saturday night at Jolly Joe Timmer's Polka Grove. Now there's a night life experience.

Jerry's "Vision Bar" will feature "an enticing blend of sultry decor, dazzling special lighting effects, and amenities that rival the best." It will include "two large marble bars, a private mezzanine level overlooking the entire facility, VIP bottle service, indulgent small plates, an outdoor terrace, and four large TVs featuring state-of-the-art interactive entertainment." It will be similar to Gypsy Bar at the Borgata in Atlantic City also operated by Vision Entertainment.

I hate to burst your bubble there Jerry, but the Lehigh Valley is scarcely in "dire need" of something we already have. Our corner bars already have the sultry decor of pool tables and shuffleboards. And what is more dazzling than neon beer signs especially when they flicker due to a loose power connection? As for "amenities that rival the best", the Osama urinal cakes that dominate the Lehigh Valley bar scene remain a crowd favorite ten years running. Marble bars may go over in Atlantic City, but we can carve our initials into good old Lehigh Valley wooden bars. Mezzanine seating may be handy for overhead views of low-cut blouses on female patrons in A.C., but the effect is somewhat lessened by the preponderance of wife-beater tee-shirts on male patrons in the L.V. As for VIP bottle service, I've never had a problem getting my ice-cold Yuengling in bottles here. Beer glasses are for wimps and Jersey people. Indulgent small plates? Most Lehigh Valley bars will place your Slim Jims on a small plate if you ask. As for an outdoor terrace, the sidewalks and back alleys around our bars are far superior for getting a breath of fresh air, vomiting, or beating the crap out of a fellow patron. There is less damage from the vomiting or fight and they are easier to clean up. Lastly, I'm not sure what televised "interactive entertainment" might be in Atlantic City, but when I'm drinking I want the non-interactive Yankees or Phillies on the tube. I have enough difficulty interacting my brain with my feet as I stumble to the Mens Room.

Perhaps the Vision Bar will be a great success, but it does not fill a "dire need".