Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A Rose By Any Other Name

And what is in a name?

If Shakespeare were alive today, he might apply his wordsmithing skills not to the "legitimate" stage, but to the better-paying political one. The modern spinmeister who came up with "Troubled Asset Relief Plan" surely exceeds Billy Bard's ability to place poetic words in the mouths of oedipal Danish princes or starcrossed teen lovers in Verona. Could Hamlet, Romeo, or Juliet so easily title a multi-billion governmental bailout of incredibly greedy financiers and give it a cool acronym like TARP?

"Troubled Asset"? Romeo's plain-speaking buddy Mercutio would say, "Worthless financial instrument foisted upon an ignorant public. "Relief Plan"? Hamlet's wise mentor Yorick would call it, "We'll give you bushels of money that you will magically be able to re-pay when it turns out you won't get your massive year-end bonuses unless you do so." Even Shakespeare couldn't come up with a cool acronym for those more valid descriptions.

Political spinmeisters developed another creative title during the 2008 campaign. "We must repeal The Death Tax! The government wants to pillage your estate. You won't be able to pass on your small business to your family. Buffy will have to drop out of high school and stock shelves at Wal-Mart!"

In fact, the Estate Tax has been around since the 1800s. It is applicable only to the one in 500 estates valued at $7 million or more per couple. Small business owners can purchase life insurance (and charge its premiums as a business expense) to pay it off upon their demise and "keep the business in the family". Buffy will have a corner office awaiting her when she graduates from Princeton.

Juliet's wordly Nurse would say, "Abolish the Too Dumb or Lazy To Buy Insurance To Keep Rich Guys' Trophy Wives In Jewelry Tax". Somehow, it doesn't have the same ring as Death Tax.

Apparently, there's no place for plain-speaking Shakespeareans in today's politics.

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