The Help Wanted Ads offer rather distasteful job openings nowadays. "Grease trap cleaner wanted. Night shift only." "Landfill equipment operator needed. Sense of smell not required." "Repairman required to replace doors during Incredible Doorbuster Sale. Ability to avoid being trampled underfoot a must."
Imagine the response to this ad, "VIP Hostess needed. Responsibilities include shepherding celebrities to private rooms at exclusive nightclubs and diverting the public. That's about it. Resemblance to Angelina Jolie and free time to fly off to Melbourne for the Australian Masters Golf Tournament a plus. Contact T. Woods."
If I were seeking someone to guide me to the VIP Room and keep the paparazzi at bay, I'd choose a 300 lb guy named Vito. That's why I'm not Tiger Woods. He chose Rachel Uchitel who met the requirements above.
Our girl Rachel responded to scurrilous rumors during an exclusive interview with that paragon of journalism, the New York Post. "I've always been Director of VIP Services. That's my job - to know these people, to hang out with them. That doesn't mean having sex with them." When asked why she flew to Australia while Tiger was there, she stated that she was there with friends "on business."
That must be some nightclub if its VIP Room is in Australia. "Welcome, Mr Woods. Will you take your bottle of Kristal at the bar here in New York or in our VIP Room in Melbourne? Rachel will escort you on your 22 hour flight."
Time heals all wounds and the American public has a very short attention span. Come the New Year, this will all be forgotten and Tiger Woods can earn a cool one billion(!) in endorsements and appearance fees in 2010 just like he did in 2009. It would really be helpful, though, if Tiger would lay a small portion of that billion on Miss Rachel to keep her mouth shut. Let the story die. It would also be helpful to avoid your golf club swinging wife there, Big Guy.
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