Scouting Today

As the guy who unlocks the church for Boy Scout meetings, I am on the mailing list for "Scouting - The Magazine for Scout Leaders".

The current issue contains advertisements from fundraising suppliers appealing to scouts of all sorts. There are flower bulbs, "the healthy, low-cost, earth-friendly fundraiser". For those somewhat less health-conscious, Krispy Kreme offers 25 dozen free doughnuts with every paid order of 300 dozen or more. Assuming that the average scout troop has 50 members, the lads can chow down on six free glazed beauties each before making their deliveries. "Martha, there's a wild-eyed kid on a sugar high ringing the door bell. Set the dog on him!"

The magazine also includes ads for "true scouting adventures". Scout troops can reserve space now at Cherokee Camp, NC featuring "Authentic Cherokee culture and experiences in nature. The stuff that reminds us why scouts are scouts." After that, scouts can embark on "The Trail of Tears, a forced march to Oklahoma the stuff that reminds us why the Cherokees aren't in North Carolina anymore."

For the less-outdoorsy, Philly's Franklin Institute offers "Spy Camp" - a sleepover within its hallowed halls featuring an IMAX movie, planetarium show, and hands-on workshops. The ad also states, "Explore the museum exhibits after dark." This may not appeal to kids who have seen the Ben Stiller movie or its sequel, but is a great opportunity for older scouts to scare the pants off their younger counterparts by doing bad Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt impersonations. Come to think of it, even Robin Williams is doing bad Robin Williams impersonations nowadays.

For the military-minded, "Plan your troop's next big overnight adventure on one of the most famous aircraft carriers in US Naval History - the USS Lexington in Corpus Christi, TX. Experience a MEGA movie, tours, flag program, chow, ghost stories, and more. Bunk in air-conditioned crew quarters."

Air-conditioned crew quarters on a WWII-vintage ship? This coddling of today's youth must cease! The Mega movie and ghost stories are all well and good, but for scouts to get a real taste of WWII naval life, they should sleep on a rack of bunks with 18" clearance from their head to the bottom of the bunk above. For true realism, the guy on the bunk above should be un-showered for several days and have recently consumed lots of beans. Above all, no air-conditioning!

Imagine Josh the Boy Scout saying to his WWII vet great grandpa, "It wasn't so bad staying on the Lexington though they turned the AC on a little high."