More Wikileaks

Dave Barry's Year In Review appeared in yesterday's newspaper. As always, I guffawed repeatedly while reading it.

Dave wrote "International tensions continued to mount in December with the release by Wikileaks of classified cables from the State Department which apparently has the same level of data security as an Etch-a-Sketch. The cables reveal a number of embarrassing secrets such as:

The last three rounds of Middle East peace talks have consisted entirely of delegates playing Twister.

The Republics of Tajikistan and Uzbekistan frequently, as a prank, exchange places in the United Nations and no one has ever noticed.

High-ranking officials of Scotland speaking in private admit that they don't understand what in hell they are saying either."

Not that I could ever top Dave Barry, but I would add the following startling revelations from Wikileaks:

The government of Zimbabwe revealed that "Zimbabwe" is not a Swahili term meaning "Land of Freedom", but is derived from the background chorus of a doo-wop song that President Mugabe always liked.

When you suddenly wake a Brit in the middle of the night, they actually speak just like the Beatles sing - in normal unaccented American English. That whole British accent thing is a put-on to make their former colonies feel inferior.

The Republic of Kyrgyzstan is not seeking nuclear armaments from Iran, but vowels.

Though officially titled "Mahatma" meaning "Great Spirit", Gandhi was actually referred to in diplomatic circles as "Bob", a name that he preferred.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton issued a strongly worded statement to Canada as Justin Bieber Mania swept across America. "Hockey, round bacon, all those geese and Celine Dion, we can live with, but unless you Canucks explain the meaning of 'Baby, Baby, Baby', it's war." Conflict was averted when the Canadian Prime Minister explained that he didn't understand what Beiber's hit song meant either.

There really isn't a country named Liechtenstein. Diplomats made it up because it's fun to say.

When I grow up, I want to be as clever a writer as Dave Barry.