Big Oil Patriots

"Tyler, now that you are entering Kindergarten, it is high time that you decided on a career plan. What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"I'd like to be a professional skateboarder, Dad. Failing that, how about a video game tester? I could just live in the basement here at home until I get really good at it."

"Your Mom and I have a different idea. Why don't you become the CEO of a major oil company? You can make enough money to line your skateboard park in $100 bills and still afford a solid gold video gaming system. Your salary and bonuses are set by your Board of Directors who just happen to be your buddies. They serve on your Board and give you what you want. You serve on their Board and give them what they want. It's like you decide how much allowance your buddy Justin gets and he decides how much you get."

"That sounds great, Dad. But what happens when those nasty US Senators call me and my CEO buddies in on the carpet because we are charging people $4 for a gallon of gas while we suck in $2 billion per year in tax breaks and, by the way, make $35 billion in profits in three months?"

"You're a Big Oil CEO, Tyler! You don't just have to sit there and take that abuse. Last week, James Mulva, CEO of Conoco accused a panel of Senators of being "un-American" for suggesting that he give up his tax breaks. No tax breaks means higher energy prices, fewer oil industry jobs, and more dependence on foreign oil. If we had real patriots in the US Senate like Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt or Dick Cheney, they would know that. You would think that a few billion in campaign contributions would bring these guys to their senses. Clearly, the real Americans are not sitting in the Senate, but in a penthouse corner office in Houston."

"So, as a Big Oil CEO, I not only make lots of money, but I'm a Super Patriot. Is that right, Dad?"

"Sure is, son. There's room for a few more faces on Mount Rushmore, you know. You could join the CEOs of Exxon, Conoco, and the boys up there. Your mom and I would be so proud."