Say It Isn't So, Donald

Say it isn't so, Donald.

Donald Trump announced yesterday that he will not run for President. His press release noted that The Donald was confident that he could win the Republican primary and defeat Barack Obama in the general election. Trump noted that a presidential campaign cannot be run on a part-time basis and he would be busy with "Celebrity Apprentice" which had just been renewed for 2012. After all, only The Donald can keep Meat Loaf and Gary Busey in line.

This is the same reason why Ryan Seacrest didn't throw his hat in the ring back in 2008. Ryan could have easily solved the financial crisis that year, but think of the disappointment to "American Idol" fans and contestants. Also, the last three "Rockin' New Years Eves" just wouldn't have been the same if he were in the White House instead of above Times Square.

Apparently, one can better serve the public as a reality television celebrity than as an elected official nowadays. One wonders at the changes in American History if reality TV celebrity had been an option in the past.

"Pilgrims, I know that this voyage has been difficult and you are anxious to get off this tiny ship and establish a colony here in the New World. Before you scatter onto dry land though, we have an offer from BBC TV for a reality show called "Pilgrim Big Brother". We stay cooped up on the ship and really get on each other's nerves. By the end of the season, we'll be burning each other as witches which will get great ratings back home in England. We will probably do the witch burning thing in a few years on dry land anyway, so why not get paid for it now? We can invite a few Indians on board and still do Thanksgiving Dinner. BBC Food Network hosts will prepare all the food. It will be delish!"

"General Washington, there is a crowd of people at the gates of Mount Vernon requesting that you become our first President. There are also eight woebegone tykes at the back door. The Gosselin kids have a special request. After fame and fortune with "Jon & Kate Plus Eight", these kids saw their parents spilt up and make spectacular fools of themselves in public. They desperately need a Father Figure and who better than The Father of Their Country? They even wrote scripts for a few episodes of "George Plus Eight". The little ones mischievously steal your wooden false teeth and learn a lesson when their pet beaver eats your upper plate. The older ones exhaust your entire supply of silver dollars trying to throw them across the Rappahannock, but you forgive them. One of the kids chops down the cherry tree and they refuse to rat on each other until you hit them with the old "cannot tell a lie" line. Come to think of it, they are really bratty kids, but if you do well on this show, you can appear on "Dancing With The Stars" just like their Mom. That has got to be better than dealing with Congress."

"Abe, the nomination is in the bag and President Lincoln has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Before, you make any hasty decisions though, consider this - "Frontier Judge" starring Abraham Lincoln! The TV landscape is littered with Judge Wapner, Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown and the like. They get big ratings with with pithy, down-home putdowns of sorry litigants. No one is better at that than you are. "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." will even be a hit in the South. "How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it one." Let's see Judge Judy match that! All we've got to do is get you a signature look. Judge Judy has that lacy collar with her robe. How about a coonskin cap?"

It's a good thing that reality TV didn't come along until now.