First Tee

Golf and I have never gotten along. I came of age during its Golden Age with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Gary Player and the like dominating the sports pages. Driving ranges and miniature golf courses began dotting the 60s landscape. How can it be that a 120 pound weakling is outdriving me and hitting the "Win a Free Pepsi" target? So much for the driving range. How can it be that my high school girlfriend beat me soundly at miniature golf and deposited her ball in the clown's nose at the 18th hole to win a free game? So much for "putt-putt golf". Her next boyfriend had a half-price date thanks to my humiliation.

Still, on a cold February Sunday, I like to watch a televised golf tournament if for no other reason than reassurance that there are places in the world where the grass is emerald green, breezes are balmy, and people are wearing short sleeves. Southern California is a somewhat more pleasant place to be in late February than Easton, PA.

Better yet, if one is to believe the commercials, golf is the most charitable institution since Mother Teresa's group. Northern Trust, sponsors of yesterday's tournament has contributed millions to worthy causes with its proceeds. While Bill Gates is providing mosquito netting to every hut in Africa, Northern Trust is pumping thousands of dollars into First Tee, "a program to establish golf in the Inner City". Apparently, we can expect well-manicured greens, sand traps, and 500 yard long fairways in Easton's West Ward soon. Kids will trade in their baggy shorts and Air Jordans for polyester garb and spiked Foot Joys. Golf will replace basketball as the sport of choice in the Inner City thanks to First Tee.

In fact, First Tee can "one-up" Newt Gingrich. The Newtster recommended that "youth-at-risk" be given janitorial jobs at Inner City high schools as a means to establishing a work ethic. Well, there are only so many lavatories to sanitize and hallways to clean. But with 7,000 odd yards of fairway and 18 greens to be maintained, there is plenty of ethically-inspiring work at a First Tee golf course for every Inner City kid. Since "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy", the kids can play the course after they have groomed it.

Newt, here's your chance to resuscitate your campaign. Partner with First Tee. FDR got us out of the Great Depression by building dams and power grids. You can get us out of the current economic doldrums by building inner city golf courses.