Guys fear Valentine's Day.
It begins in grade school. If little Tiffany who sits in front of you is dissatisfied with the Power Rangers Valentine that you placed in her gaily decorated card box, she inexplicably blocks your view of her previously easily copyable spelling test paper. When hormones kick in during Middle School, your romantic dreams of a future with Tiff are shattered when that rat Bradley wows her with his hearts and flowers Valentine while your Superheroes theme card goes to the bottom of her stack. OK, so she's not a Wonder Woman fan. High school, college, and the single life bring on the competitive nature of Valentine's Day. The card, flowers, chocolate, dinner, or spa session that you bestow on your beloved Tiffany had better be more romantic (and more expensive) than the V-Day gift given by that rat Bradley to Tiff's best friend Britney. Tiffany and Britney will definitely compare and contrast. Either you or Bradley will not be getting lucky tonight.
It's time to think outside the box, guys. Why not eschew the expensive flowers, chocolate, and candlelit dinner for some Heavy Metal? Crocodile Rock in Allentown offers a "Valentine's Day Massacre" show tonight featuring Static X with their hit ever-so-romantic hit "Pighammer". Opening acts are Defiler and Polkadot Cadaver. Nothing will get her more in the mood for romance than moshing to "Pighammer". It may not qualify as a "sweep her off her feet" plot device for the latest Katherine Heigl movie, but it has got to work better than those superhero Valentine cards that failed in the past. Also, you'll never see that rat Bradley there.
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