Senior Discounts

They say that adult life is merely an extension of high school. Certainly, the corporate lunch room is little different than the high school cafeteria. The managers hang out only with each other at the "cool kids" table and mock the apparel, grooming, and cars driven by their inferiors. Corporate IT "nerds" are ignored until "the system breaks down". Then and only then, does the Manager's Personal Assistant deign to notice them much like The Prettiest Girl in School develops a sudden interest in The Only Guy Who Actually Read "Silas Marner " just before the paper on it is due.

Even the hallowed Senior Privileges that we strove for in high school (best parking spots in the Student Lot, no hall pass required to "go to the Library" during Study Halls, etc) have a real life counterpart - senior discounts. Just last week, I saved a whopping and hassle-free $3 on my haircut. The girl didn't even question my senior status.

Perhaps non-seniors (juniors?, sophomores?) have been abusing the discount system. Kohl's (The Expect Great Things Store) advertised its 15% Senior Discount today with a chilling disclaimer. "Bring identification to verify your age for this offer."

Uh-oh. Flashback to underage attempts to purchase alcohol. One imagines a steely-eyed Kohl's clerk stating, "Forgot your ID, did you? I've seen your type before. That "deep" voice doesn't fool me. How do I know that your "gray" hair isn't helped along with Gold Medal Flour? Sure, you dress in polyester, but how do I know those aren't your Dad's SansaBelt slacks? You kids today are just out for a good time and that 15% discount."

It's high school age trauma all over again.