A luxury liner cruise brings thoughts of the old TV series "The Love Boat" to those of a certain age. Every Saturday night, Captain Stubing, Gopher the Purser, Julie the Cruise Director, and Isaac the Bartender would solve three relationship problems (one comic, one bittersweet, and one family-oriented) of passengers usually portrayed by B-List actors with great 70s hair-dos like Charro and Bert Convy. Since I couldn't grow a good 70s hair-do even back then when I had hair, I figured that an ocean cruise was not for me.
Or maybe there is a berth for me on a January, 2011 Love Boat. Yesterday's newspaper travel section advertised a Taylor Swift-themed Caribbean cruise including trivia, karaoke, and a look-alike contest on board followed by a shore-side concert with Taylor herself when the boat docks in Cozumel. I'm sure I could ace the Taylor Swift Trivia Contest. After all, the girl is only 20 years old, how much trivia can there be? Karaoke shouldn't be a problem either. I can do teen angst over unrequited love with the best of them. Surely, I would win a front row seat (and probably back stage passes with a meet-and-greet) with Taylor herself.
The problem is, of course, with the look-alike contest. Overweight, balding 62 year-old men are unlikely to pass for Ms Swift even with the best wigs and make-up though some may attempt it. I foresee the most hilarious You Tube videos ever of a ship overrun with Taylor Swift look-alikes.
What to do, Captain Stubing, Gopher, Julie, and Isaac? You've always solved the most difficult dilemmas in 60 minutes minus commercial time. The answer is simple, you say? If the Taylor Swift Cruise concept catches on, other country stars will follow suit. I will still fail at the Reba McIntyre or Dolly Parton Cruise Look-Alike Contest, but I have a real shot at the Toby Keith Contest. Chubby, bearded, and balding, that's me! The Toby Keith Cruise will surely be my brush with country fame.
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