For The Man Who Has Everything

Still searching for that perfect Christmas gift?

Oh, it’s easy to delight little Josh and Tiffany on Christmas morn with this year’s must-have toy if you don’t mind hand-to-hand combat in the aisles for its limited supply and the kids becoming bored with the toy by New Year’s. Teens Brandon and Britney will be thrilled with gift cards to a trendy retailer who sells strategically-ripped and distressed jeans, not that they won’t be non-strategically ripped and distressed from constant wear by February. Adults Bob and Carol will swoon over cardio equipment and workout garb though they will never find the time to use them. As for Grandma and Grandpa, they already have everything. They are the toughest to buy for.

The Porter’s Lodge of Nazareth has come to the rescue as the “exclusive seller of Trappist caskets and urns in the Lehigh Valley”. They feature “the best prices for traditional wooden caskets”. Better yet, “between now and January, there are no shipping charges – a $200 value!” Now, there’s a doorbuster incentive.

Can Grandma say, “That’s a nice gift, but I’ll never use it” to a casket? I think not. When Grandpa says, “You spent too much. Take it back.”, you can reply, “Only the best for your eternal resting place, Big Guy.”

For those who think it macabre to have an empty casket sitting around the house, The Porter’s Lodge offers free storage though this will eliminate the joy of seeing the expression on Grandma’s face when she comes down the stairs on Christmas morn to a beribboned casket under the tree. After picking her up off the floor and reassuring her that the doctor didn’t tell you something that he didn’t tell her, she will agree that this is “the best Christmas ever”.