Druid's Revenge

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night"

Ah, mistletoe! It offers the chance to steal a kiss beneath its verdant greenery and white berries. But don't eat them! They are highly toxic. Also don't kiss Mrs Boss beneath the mistletoe at the Office Party. It is highly toxic to your career.

Now there's a holiday tradition everyone can support be they Christian, Jew, Muslim, or even Druid. In fact, the Druids gave us the mistletoe tradition. Druidic priests credited it with magic powers since it remained green while the deciduous tree branches surrounding it were bare. Celtic tradition forbade carrying weapons beneath mistletoe. This led to mistletoe-rich areas being the site of peace negotiations between warring Celtic tribes. You know those Celts. All those cold lonely nights away from home fighting a war without female companionship and "Don't Ask; Don't Tell" went right out the window. Much kissing ensued, thanks to mistletoe.

Like many holiday traditions (How early can K-Mart open on Black Friday?), mistletoe has been subtly perverted over the years. Fresh mistletoe is harvested nowadays by firing a shotgun into the trees rather than all that awkward climbing and cutting. The Druids get their revenge for this violation of their weapons-free law though.

Mistletoe is, in fact, a parasite that flourishes where droppings collect, usually beneath bird's nests. Upon firing their weapons, those mistletoe gatherers are, no doubt, showered not only with mistletoe, but an entire summer's collection of bird shit. Revenge is a dish best served cold (and full of e Coli).