Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Well-Dressed Firefighter

Fire fighting requires many tools. The well-dressed firefighter wouldn't leave the station without axes, breathing apparatus, wrenches, hose couplings, and, based on a news story from last week, a roll of quarters.

A 2 year old girl crawled up the chute of one of those ubiquitous toy crane vending machines at a Pittsburgh area mall and sat there among the toys staring at the coin-operated crane above. When her parents couldn't coax her out, Mall Security called the local fire department.

As frustrated parents have known for years, it is well-nigh impossible to pick up anything, let alone the one toy that your kid wants with that crane thing. It requires the eyesight and depth perception of an eagle combined with the reaction time of a mongoose to perfectly align the clamshell bucket over the toy and instantaneously drop and retrieve it. A hair off on crane alignment or a slight hesitation on retrieval and it's time to drop another quarter into the slot and start all over again. Eventually, it becomes an affront to one's masculinity and after $10 worth of quarters, Dad finally bags a toy that is worth maybe 50 cents.

This is where it pays to be a fire fighter. The news story doesn't mention whether Pittsburgh's Bravest attempted to use the toy crane to get the little girl out or how many quarters were lost in that effort. In the end, they "used a tool to pry open a door on the machine to reach the girl".

How I wish that I had that tool back in the day. "So you want the Rainbow Brite doll from the machine, sweetheart? I'll just reach into my fireman's coat, pull out my prying tool, and it's as good as yours. If Mall Security asks, you were trapped inside and I had to rescue you."

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