Monday, June 6, 2011

Fall Back Instructions

We Army Basic Trainees were given the following Fall-Back Instructions - "If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, paint it or polish it." Fall-Back Instructions are, by definition, simple and require zero thought.

Fall-Back Instructions for school administrators are apparently - "For any extraordinary circumstance, lock down the school".

Last Thursday, Berlin (NJ) Community School hosted its annual Reptile Day when an animal handler brings in snakes and such so that eighth grade boys can gross out eighth grade girls by running their hands over the slimy beasts (which actually aren't slimy at all - a teaching point that usually doesn't sink in) and then threatening to touch the girls. This particular animal handler also included a 6 foot long alligator in his demonstration. NJ Governor Chris Christie is right! Public schools in the Garden State are clearly over-funded. Let's get those alligators (and a few of those overpaid teachers) out of our classrooms! Property taxes are sure to go down.

Apparently, the gator was having a bad day. While sitting on his handler's lap, he became aggressive and tore at the handler's pant leg.

School administrators responded by clearing students from the room (a good idea) and placing the school on lock down (?).

"Mrs Johnson, you may want to delay your trip to school to pick up Tiffany for her orthodontist's appointment today. The school is on lock down. There's an enraged alligator running through our halls so we logically decided to make sure that all the kids remain in the building. I'm sure Tiff isn't traumatized after watching a gator take a swipe at its handler."

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