Save the Hamsters

Ah, the French.

You can't beat their fries, toast, and cut green beans. Also, they gave us the Statue of Liberty and the arms, naval power, and troops that allowed us to win our Revolution at Yorktown. Of course, they didn't support us when we invaded Iraq, but we showed them by substituting Freedom Fries for french fries with our burgers in the Congressional Cafeteria. Franco - American relations have been cordial, even warm, for eight years now.

But wait until PETA hears about this! The European Court of Justice ruled last week that the French government is not doing enough to protect its hamsters. Apparently, the 10-inch rodents live wild in a small enclave in Alsace. The government is obligated to conserve this protected species, but local farmers consider them a pest. Rumor has its that hamster fricassee is on the menu at certain Alsatian farmhouses along with snails, frog legs and the other disgusting things that those French eat.

Did Tom Hanks and Matt Damon storm the beaches of Normandy so that French farmers would be free to eat adorable hamsters? I think not! I say that red-blooded Americans should strike back by insisting on English chips instead of french fries at McDonalds. We can handle a little vinegar on our deep-fried potatoes if it saves endangered rodents. We should opt for Texas Toast with our Denny's Grand Slam breakfasts in place of french toast. It is bigger anyway. And those furry little hamsters will thank us if we cut our green beans straight across instead of slant-wise. Is that too much to ask?

Save the hamsters!