Friday, August 28, 2009

Barrister's Hall of Fame

The iPod will never replace the radio. Radio may bombard us with music we don't like and news analysis that sets our teeth on edge, but it also provides us with exciting contests. How else can we obtain front row seats and back-stage passes to that sold-out Miley Cyrus concert without being the fortieth caller to "The Voice of the Valley, W-Whatever"? Dutiful parents can secure those impossible-to-get Cabbage Patch Kids or Tickle Me Elmos by doing stunts on-air. Trust me, this was a big item back in the 80s and 90s. I was thisclose to to ensuring the perpetual love and devotion of my two daughters by dressing up as a Kid or as Elmo and camping out on a billboard on Route 22.

Sometimes, radio stations go too far. When Wii consoles were in short supply in 2007, a Sacramento radio station held a "Hold Your Wee for Wii" contest. Participants had to drink water without urinating for three hours. Whoever went to the bathroom was out. Tragically, a 28 year old woman died as a result. Lawsuits ensued.

Even the winner sued the radio station claiming a form of PTSD. She claims that she cannot listen to the radio any more because she is afraid of contests. Even worse, in her job at Wal-Mart, she "experiences an inappropriate emotional reaction when she sees someone put bottled water in their carts."

Not to be cynical, but if she wins her case, her lawyer is a shoo-in for the Originality Wing of the Barristers' Hall of Fame. The radio station's lawyer can counter the woman's claim by moving the court hearing to Niagara Falls. "Your honor, Niagara Falls deposits more water in a minute than Wal-Mart sells in a year. If the plaintiff''s reaction is not 365 times more inappropriate than claimed in this suit, I move for dismissal!" That should get the radio station lawyer into the Nyah-Nyah Gotcha Wing of the Barrister's HOF.

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