Muzak, RIP

Among the casualties of the recent economic downturn is our old friend Muzak. It filed for bankruptcy this year.

What will Yanni, Zafir "The Master of the Pan Flute", The Ray Coniff Singers, and Kenny G do now? Will these musicians who made elevator riding and non-trendy shopping bearable for past generations bearable be thrown into the dustbin of history? Will we be forced to talk to one another instead of humming along to "Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White" by Perez Prado? Oh, the pain!

Muzak was, for me, a mixed blessing. In 1974, my work group relocated to the Blue Cross Building at 12th and Hamilton in Allentown. Blue Cross provided Muzak throughout the building, intended as "white noise" to drown out the clacking of typewriters and key punch machines. Yes, Virginia, there was a time before a personal computer on every desk.

Unfortunately, my cubicle was directly beneath a speaker. My ears were assaulted by Mantovani and the 101 Strings doing the Beach Boys' Greatest Hits all day long. The upside was that the Muzak tape played the same tune at the same time every day. I didn't have to look at the clock to know that it was lunch time because Percy Faith would play the opening chords of "Theme From A Summer Place" at precisely 12 noon. To this day, my mouth waters and my stomach growls when I hear that song. It was time to don my coat and search for the car keys when Ferrante & Teicher would swing, appropriately enough into "The Theme from Exodus."

The downside was the guy in the adjacent cubicle. Paul was a tad "hard of hearing" and loved to hum or whistle. The Muzak was truly "white noise" to him, barely heard, but sufficiently audible that he would hum or whistle along with it. I had Nat "King" Cole in one ear and Paul humming out-of-tune accompaniment in the other. Curse you, Muzak! May you go bankrupt in 35 years!