That Darned Leftist Media

The First Amendment allows us freedom of speech. It does not restrict us to freedom of intelligent speech which is why we were subjected to Jar-Jar Binks in the last three "Star Wars" movies, the Olsen Twins in direct-to-DVD movies, and "According to Jim" on TV.

Today's newspaper contained a full-page ad from "The US Citizens Association" that would make the framers of the Constitution proud. It includes a sign-up form allowing us to "get continuous information on what is going on in government that affects you that you will not get in the leftist news media."

Oh, that darned leftist news media. The US Citizens Association's ad set me straight on the following:

"Barack Obama and the Democrats did not inherit the bad economy. They caused it and made it worse." The leftist Dow Jones Industrial Average, Standard and Poors, and Wall Street Journal had me convinced that the stock market dropped nearly 40% last fall and that financial giants Merrill Lynch and Bear Stearns went belly up in October. The leftist news media erroneously reported that Obama didn't take office until the following January. Apparently, those socialist Democrats were in charge the whole time. That whole Inauguration thing was as fake as the moon landings back in '69!
"Man-made global warming is a scam. Carbon dioxide is not a pollutant. It is critical for sustaining all life on earth because plants use carbon dioxide to produce oxygen. Over 90% of so-called greenhouse gases are not carbon dioxide. They are water vapor." That leftist Al Gore is not really anti-carbon. He is against green and growing, oxygen-producing plant life. By eliminating greenhouse gases, he is really eliminating water vapor which means that it won't rain anymore. No rain, no plants. That Al Gore must really hate vegetation.

"Millions of Americans have lost most of their retirement savings and most of their wealth due to investment losses. Meanwhile, Barack and Michelle Obama's wealth has skyrocketed and they live a life of luxury. The Obamas throw lavish parties on a regular basis at the White House for their socialist friends. These parties include flying in Kobe beef from Japan which costs $100 per pound. Michelle Obama wears designer clothes to these parties which cost thousands of dollars. These exorbitant parties cost the taxpayers millions of dollars." The leftist media don't want us to know that the Obamas are the first occupants of the White House to entertain there. Previously, when foreign dignitaries visited Washington, they were put up at Motel 6 and treated to dinner at the Golden Corral Tuesday Night Buffet (All You Can Eat for $19.95). Churchill especially enjoyed the Dessert Bar. You'll never read about that in the New York Times. Also, First Ladies from Martha Washington through Laura Bush actually chose their clothes from the discount rack at K-Mart. They were real Americans looking to save taxpayer dollars! Those photos of First Ladies garbed in satin and lace that we see in the leftist history books are actually photo-shopped or taken at those old-timey dress-up photo booths at Six Flags.

Thanks, US Citizens for setting me straight.