Legend

M*A*S*H was a memorable book, movie, and TV show. The TV show probably dragged on a few years past its "brilliant creativity" expiration date, but it stood out for its off-the-wall zaniness. The zaniest episode was one where a Halloween party at the M*A*S*H unit was interrupted by an influx of wounded and the surgeons went to work in costume. Hawkeye wore a gorilla suit beneath scrubs. The wounded soldier looked up to see King Kong scalpel in hand. His expression was priceless.

All of us want to be remembered as a legend. The trick is to go out with a bang. Add dishwashing detergent to the high school swimming pool and cause it to foam it to overflowing on graduation night and you'll be a legend. Personally consume a quarter keg of beer before Commencement and you'll be a college fraternity legend.

The problem is that after high school and college, there aren't a whole lot of occasions that are amenable to a grand, foolish, yet legendary act. In fact, the sole candidate is the last day before retirement at one's long-time employer. I dreamed of donning a gorilla suit for my last day of work and just walking around as if nothing was out of the ordinary. What could management do? Fire me? I'm out the door at 5 PM anyway.

And I'd be a legend! Babe Ruth will be remembered as long as there is baseball. "The Guy Who Wore the Gorilla Suit" would be remembered as long as there are cubicles.

Alas, I was unexpectedly downsized so I never had the chance to become a legend. Perhaps in my next life...