Movies allow teen-agers learn lessons otherwise gained through suffering. During my teen years, I learned that exteme cold incapacitates "The Blob", that "Mothra" can only be drawn to her doom by an erupting volcano, and that "The Mysterians", presumably invincible invaders from outer space, can be laid low by the simple flu virus. I fully expected to be consulted by the Japanese government when the next supernatural catastrophe hit that benighted land. "Prime Minister - San, those tanks and planes will not stop the monster, but maybe if you sneeze in its direction..."
"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" opens in theaters on Friday. It promises to teach valuable life lessons to the teens of today. Its leading lady, Kristen Stewart stated:
"My toughest scene is when (sexy teen vampire) Edward tells (innocent mortal) Bella that it's all over and they're never going to see each other again. (Typical vampire! Love 'em, suck out a few pints of Type O+, and leave 'em. Didn't I see this on Jerry Springer yesterday?)
"There's nothing like it in reality." (Oh, I see. In the real world, vampires remain true to their mortal girlfriends at least until after the Prom)
"It's not even like a normal break-up because I know what it's like to get broken up with. I don't know what it's like to get broken up with by a vampire." (So few of us do, Kristen. So few of us do.)
There you have it, Teens of America! If your romance with the neighborhood vampire is going sour, get your tickets now for "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" for tips on how to handle that break-up. SPOILER ALERT: Try running around with a werewolf to make him jealous.
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