Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Fall of the Viking Empire

Historians have long pondered how Vikings went from being the warlike Scourge of Europe in the Middle Ages to the placid, Danish pastry-eating, IKEA furniture-making folk that we know today. Some credit it to Christianity though it's hard to believe that only Scandanavians took that whole "turn the other cheek" thing seriously. Others note that a mini-Ice Age that kicked in around 1200 AD took the starch out of the once-feared Norsemen. It's difficult to pillage when you are shivering. Those of us who fondly recall the beer commercials featuring the Swedish Bikini Team are sure that the advent of the two-piece swimsuit led to the Vikings staying home.

"Hey Erik, let's sail off to England and loot a castle or two."

"Forget it, Lars. Those British girls won't get into their micro-miniskirts for 900 years. Have you checked out Helga down the fjord lately?"

Last week, the real reason came out. Workers at Copenhagen's Carlsberg Beer Company walked off the job in protest when management removed beer coolers from the workplace and limited free beer consumption to lunch time in the cafeteria. Previously, workers could help themselves to beer throughout the day. The only restriction was that workers could not be visibly drunk while on duty.

Christianity and a mini-Ice Age are one thing. Even the Swedish Bikini Team might not be enough to calm that warlike Viking spirit. But free beer at work? I'll stay home and make pastries and IKEA furniture.

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