Forgive Us, Mother Earth

It's a long time between Valentine's and Mother's Day. What can a restaurant do to inflate its profits with a "Must Dine Out" occasion?

The Starfish Brasserie in Bethlehem decided to observe Earth Day with a "Special Green Event - Mind, Body, Spirit, Earth". For a mere $35 per person (reservations required), diners get appetizers, a one-hour Meditation Session, and a three-course dinner. Quoting from the Starfish's ad, "Join us in an evening to celebrate the Harmony of our Human Spiritual Connection with Mother Earth. Holistic wellness instructors will lead us in an hour-long session of meditation, movement, and music, followed by dinner."

Maybe this would work in San Francisco or New York's Upper East Side, but we are talking blue-collar Lehigh Valley here. We sit down at a restaurant and that bread basket and salad had better there quickly or the wait staff's tip is down to 10% at best. If we want meditation, movement, and music followed by dinner, we'll go to Cirque de Soleil and stop at Yocco's on the way home. As a practical matter, won't the Harmony of our Human Spiritual Connection with Mother Earth be disturbed by excessive stomach growling as we wait out that interminable hour until the grub is on the table? Won't most of us be meditating on how great a funnel cake would taste right now? Wouldn't most of us prefer our post-meditation movement and music be lifting our lighters in the air and swaying to "Freebird"?

The irony here is that the Starfish is in the Hotel Bethlehem, "located in the heart of historic Bethlehem". In three short months, the heart of historic Bethlehem will be the site of Musik (with a k) fest, that riotous celebration of ethnic music, deep-fried foods, and drunkeness. Perhaps this Special Green Event is not so much a celebration of Earth Day as expiation for vomiting partially digested fried Twinkies and Oreos on Bethlehem's sidewalks by Fest patrons. Forgive us, Mother Earth, for we shall sin.