Ronald vs. The King

The Marlboro Man and Joe Camel have gone by the boards. Now those Goody Two Shoes out there have set their sights on Ronald McDonald. Corporate Accountability International stated, "Ronald McDonald is a pied piper drawing youngsters all over the world to food that is high in fat, sodium, and calories. On the surface, he is there to give children enjoyment in all sorts of ways, but Ronald McDonald is dangerous, sending insidious messages to young people!"

Darwin's Theory of Natural Selection tells us that children who follow a clown to fat, sodium, and calorie-laden foods will not survive to reproduce. This problem will take care of itself. In time, Mayor McCheese will have no constituency,

Alas, Ronald has been around for nearly 50 years. Preservatives in those fries and Shamrock Shakes must be overcoming that fat and sodium to allow new generations to enter the Golden Arches.

McDonald's CEO responded with a stirring endorsement of America's Favorite Clown, "Ronald communicates effectively with children and families around balanced, active lifestyles. He does not hawk food."

I've not seen a Ronald McDonald TV commercial in some time. Perhaps, he is touting balanced, active lifestyles nowadays. Could it be that the true Pied Piper leading our children to obesity and a questionable lifestyle is Ronald's chief competitor - the Burger King? I've seen plenty of TV commercials where the BK places money in people's pockets, breaks into McDonald's HQ to steal recipes, and generally causes mayhem while clad in white tights and Mary Jane shoes, his face hidden behind a plastic mask.

Is this the message to send to our youth? Is it OK for a fully-grown man to dress like a 3 year old girl on Christmas Eve? Bear in mind that if those Mary Janes are patent leather, the reflection allows perverts to see right up your skirt (or tunic, in this case). The plastic mask is a subliminal endorsement of botox. When that first crow's foot appears, kids, it's time to freeze your face like Joan Rivers!

Perhaps, Corporate Accountability International is barking up the wrong tree. I'd rather see future generations of our fat, sodium, and calorie-consuming youth admiring a clown than a gender-confused, botox-obsessed, mime "king".