Sometimes, generic store brands just don't cut it. So it is with English muffins. We have all tried to save a few pennies by going with bargain brand muffins, but returned to good old Thomas' for those remarkably moist nooks and crannies that cradle butter and jam in their embrace.
We all imagined that Thomas' muffins came from somewhere intrinsically British like Hogwarts and were baked by Albus Dumbledore himself. It turns out that they are baked near Philadelphia by a Mexican conglomerate with the unfortunate name of Grupo Bimbo. No matter how good the muffin, consumers would have trouble ordering a "Bimbo, toasted, with butter and grape jelly". Best that you retain that Thomas' name, Grupo Bimbo.
There's trouble in Muffin Land though. Only seven top execs know the secret formula for those nooks and crannies and one of them, Chris Botticella, wants to depart for rival Hostess Baking. Can a Twinkie with nooks and crannies be on the horizon? The Associated Press reports (presumably with a straight face), "Botticella hid his new employment deal for weeks while attending high-level Bimbo meetings and debating strategies for competing with Hostess."
One imagines "high-level Bimbo meetings" being conducted at the Badda Bing Club with Tony Soprano in charge.
The AP continues, "Botticella knows other secrets as well. He had access to code books that spell out production formulas for other Bimbo products such as its new line of Sandwich Thins."
This appears to be less of a problem to the undiscerning eye. Somehow, one can't imagine parents purchasing Bimbo Sandwich Thins for the kids' soccer team post-match snack though Dads might buy them just for the wrapper.
Sadly. I'll never be able to look at my breakfast muffin in the same way again knowing that it is baked by a bunch of Bimboes.
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