Walking the Dog in Style

I walk the dog each morning with Sports Radio.on my trusty Walkman I should learn the latest on the Oil Spill from NPR, but the dog prefers insightful analysis of last night's Mariners - Brewers game from Mike & Mike. Mike Golic is a former defensive tackle. His macho commentary is balanced by avowed metrosexual Mike Greenberg.

This morning's topic was golf's prestigious US Open. The winner was not Tiger Woods or Phil Mikkelson, but an unknown from Northern Ireland named Graeme McDowell. Apparently, Northern Ireland uses ebonics for first names. Mike & Mike bemoaned the failure of golf's "big names" to win the tournament. It would have made a better story. What if Elin come after Tiger with a 9-iron as he was lining up a winning putt on the 18th green?

Mike Greenberg noted that he had a good feeling about McDowell's chances as early as Saturday. "Did you see that outfit he was wearing? The blue looked good on him. And the sweater he wore yesterday?"

Then, the dog and I realized that golf is not unlike the red carpet at the Oscars and that wardrobe is a factor in performance. One imagines Joan Rivers at the first hole:

"Here comes Tiger Woods. OMG, he's all in black! That kills his chances. Tiger must wear red on the final round of a Major! Wait, there's a red shirt under that black pullover. He'll come close but not make it today."

"There's Phil Mikkelson. What's with those white pants pinstriped in navy blue? He looks like a NY Yankee reject. Hey, Phil, there's a square inch somewhere on your sweater not covered with a sponsor's logo. Better take care of that."

"Check out Davis Love III. That loud argyle sweater adds 15 pounds, or is he carrying Davis Love IV in that belly? No shot for you, DL 3"

"Here's 3rd round leader Dustin Johnson. Whoa! He's wearing a mere short sleeved polo shirt while the other guys are bundled up like Ralphie in "Christmas Story". Dustin, you can't fight both the elements and the golf course. You are doomed."

The dog and I are definitely placing a bet on the winner of next year's US Open and basing it on wardrobe. It'll keep him in kibble for years to come.