oice of the Pierogie

Until now, Freedom of Speech was limited only by:

1. Public Safety. Justice Holmes famously wrote, "You can't shout 'Fire!' in a crowded theater".

2. Slander. You can't use malicious lies to harm others.

3. Party Loyalty. Republicans are expressly forbidden to say anything positive about President Obama.

Now there's a fourth limitation, The Pittsburgh Pirates fired one of their costumed pierogie mascots after he made remarks critical of the team on his facebook page. Apparently, American citizens lose their Right to Free Speech when they don the Onion Oliver, Sauerkraut Sal, Cheesie Charlie, or Jalapeno Hannah costumes to race around the outfield at Pirates' games.

Um-m-m-m. Jalapeno-filled pierogies, where have you been all my life?

I contend (and most Constitutional scholars agree) that the act of putting on a sweaty costume reeking of onion, sauerkraut, cheese or jalapeno does NOT limit an American's right to free speech. Layers of dough, well-crimped edges, and being boiled or fried before serving may muffle the words, but brave men have given their lives so that the Voice of the Pierogie can be heard!

By the way, has anyone checked on the immigration status of those pierogies? Not to go all Arizona here, but they look kind of foreign. And those Racing Sausages at Milwaukee Brewers games? They openly flaunt their foreigness what with lederhosen and,suspiciously, a sombrero.

Give me the Racing Presidents at Washington Nationals games! George, TJeff, Abe, and Teddy are all-American for sure. Actually, I sometimes wonder about George. The knickers and wig, never had a kid, hung out a lot with the Army - it raises some questions.

If he has a Green Card, let the Voice of the Pierogie be heard!