Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Star Perks

When a superstar makes an appearance at your humble venue, he can demand certain perks. The College Events Staff searched high and low for a particular brand of herbal tea to place in Ravi Shankar's dressing room many years ago. The rock band Van Halen required massive amounts of Jack Daniels back stage at their concerts. Alex Rodriguez's Yankee contract allows him a personal private jet (as opposed to the team's somewhat less-private jet) and his own suite of hotel rooms on road trips.

Political superstars also make certain contractual demands. To get Dick Cheney to rally your troops, you must provide a hotel suite cooled to 68 degrees ("Global warming is a myth!"), four cans of Diet Sprite (none of that generic stuff), and all TVs tuned to Fox News ("Fair and balanced. The only TV station you'll ever need.) If your venue doesn't have cable TV or satellite, you are out of luck for getting the former VP.

Recently, I travelled to West Virginia. When I turned on my motel room TV, it was tuned to Fox News. My first thought was that the housekeeping staff was into fair and balanced news. The room was kind of chilly, too. The soda machine down the hall had Diet Sprite. Could the previous occupant have been Mr Cheney?

Probably not. When I turned on the TV the next morning, it went straight to Fox News again. Apparently, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, et.al., is the default setting for TVs in that portion of the Mountaineer State.

Attention, Dick! Wild and wonderful West Virginia is ready for you.

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