International Relations

The British National Tourism Agency published a list of tips that it hopes will help UK citizens give a warm welcome to foreign visitors during the 2012 London Olympics. Tips from that list are followed by their (unpublished) actual meaning below:

TIP: A smiling Japanese person is not necessarily happy. They tend to smile when embarrassed, sad, or disappointed.
ACTUAL MEANING: When a Japanese person smiles after being presented a typical English breakfast of grilled kidney, do not follow up with a serving of blood pudding. They also smile when nauseous.

TIP: Don't be offended by Argentinean humor which may mildly attack your clothing or weight.
ACTUAL MEANING: Who knew that Don Rickles was Argentinean? A snappy response to typical Argentinean insults might be, "We may be poorly-dressed and chubby, but we still have the Falklands. Nyah-nyah!"

TIP: Never call a Canadian an American. Some Canadians take offense at being mistaken for US citizens.
ACTUAL MEANING: Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between Canadians and Americans, eh? If he has Celine Dion or Bryan Adams on his iPod, sports a mullet, and is polite, he's Canadian. If he lusts after Cuban cigars and loudly comments on "these people" driving on the wrong side of the road and speaking with a funny accent, he's American. If in doubt, ask if he'd like to accompany you to the local mosque for prayers. If he runs the other way or attacks you, he's American.

TIP: Avoid saying "thank you" to a Chinese compliment. Instead politely deny the compliment to show humility.
ACTUAL MEANING: For example. "Yes, we did take good care of Hong Kong for all those years after we stole it from you after the Opium War, but the French or Germans would have done the same."

TIP: Avoid talking to the Japanese with your hands in your pockets or blowing your nose in front of them.
ACTUAL MEANING: People from other countries think it's awesome when you play packet hockey while talking to them especially right after blowing your nose. but not those crazy Japanese. Go figure.