"Your next client is here."
"Show her in."
"Welcome to Yenta Services, Wasilla's Top Matchmaking Service, Ms Bristol Palin, is it? Let's see what's on your application form, shall we? 19 year old single mom? That complicates things. Never married? That's good. Two messy, well-publicized engagements? Not good. Live at home with "Mama Grizzly"? Might be a deal-killer. But she's never home? That helps."
"Ms Palin, I've got to tell you the eligible bachelor pickings here in Wasilla are slim since that nice Johnston boy went all Hollywood on us. There are plenty of Alaskan boys out there, but we can't guarantee sobriety and you are insisting on a full set of teeth. We may have to expand our search outside the 49th state."
"You're in luck! Yenta Services International can get you a spot on the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars. The competition will be grueling. You'll be going against 76 year-old Florence Henderson, the former Mama Brady (but you are used to famous Mamas); Margaret Cho, a potty-mouthed Korean-American comedienne (your winsome All-American charm should leave her in the dust); Jennifer Grey, star of Dirty Dancing and nothing else since the 70s (only gay guys and post-menopausal women remember Dirty Dancing); and some bimbo from "The Hills" who will need a teleprompter to do the cha-cha."
"The best part is you get to hang with the male contestants, and, who knows, love may bloom. They include Michael Bolton and David Hasselhof (though they may be a little old for you and neither has that great mullet anymore), a couple of retired athletes (who cares), and, get this, direct from The Jersey Shore, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. Your profile shows that you are attracted to guys who are famous for no apparent reason and no one fills that particular bill better than "The Situation". I see sure romance!"
"If "Dancing" doesn't work out, for an additional fee, Yenta can get you a slot as the next "Bachelorette". Look how great that has worked out for those girls. There's a reason why Yenta is #1."
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