The Paris Hilton Defense

Paris Hilton is taking on a new persona - groundbreaking legal genius.

Las Vegas police stopped Paris and her boyfriend last weekend when they detected a cloud of marijuana smoke issuing from their car. When Paris opened her purse to get a tube of lip balm (one should always have moist, kissable lips when dealing with the gendarmes), a small plastic bindle containing a gram of cocaine fell out of her purse. Here's where Paris exhibited her legal genius. She claimed that the purse was not hers!

Apparently, her defense strategy is that she has so many purses that she can't be expected to recognize every single one. She must have picked up that particular purse by mistake from some unknown cocaine abuser. The fact that the purse also contained credit cards and prescription drugs in her name is a remarkable coincidence. There must be some other Paris Hilton running around Las Vegas. That's the key to this case! Find the other Paris Hilton and you'll have your drug abuser. Put the CSI Team on it. They solve a crime in Las Vegas every week.

What if the ingenious Paris Hilton Defense had been available throughout history:

"Sure, that's one of my monogrammed daggers sticking out of Caesar and I have blood on my hands, but there are lots of guys named Brutus and I cut myself shaving this morning."

"What a coincidence! I have a derringer just like the one that shot the President and a lot of people in Ford's Theater probably thought that it was me leaping from the President's Box after the shot, but it was my stunt double. John Wilkes Booth doesn't do his own stunts, you know."

"Officer, we thought it was suspicious when that good-looking young couple tossed a bank bag full of money in our car. We were speeding out of town trying to catch up to them and give it back. You say they looked an awful lot like us and had submachine guns just like ours? It's a small world."

Brutus, Booth, and Bonnie & Clyde should have hired Paris Hilton as their defense attorney.