Dirty Polka-ing

The Associated Press reported today that Jan Lewan, "Pennsylvania's Polka King", is "getting the old band back together" now that he has been released from a five year prison term for securities fraud.

"Getting the old band back together", eh? Perhaps "on a mission from God"? Why does this sound familiar? It's the plot of "The Blues Brothers" come to real-life thirty years later to a spritely polka beat. I see an updated sequel!

One imagines Jan and his lesser-known brother clad in the polka equivalent of Belushi and Ackroyd's black suits, fedoras, and shades (sequined polyester shirts, satin pants, and boots) roaming the Pennsylvania coal country in search of their former bandmates. They enter St Stanislaus Church in Hazleton where the priest who strongly resembles the polka equivalent of James Brown (Jimmy Sturr, since James doesn't do polka and is no longer with us) causes them "to see the light". Jan does backflips down the church aisle to the amazement of the congregation.

Now they must get the band's instruments out of hock. The pawnbroker, a Ray Charles look-alike (Weird Al Yankovic since he can play any role and legendary, blind polka stars are in short supply) sings a song and cuts them a break.

Alas, one former bandmate is now married and running a successful Polka Soul Food (Halupkies and Kielbasa, All You Can Eat) Restaurant in Wilkes-Barre. His wife, played by one of the legendary Pany Sisters, belts out Aretha Franklin's "Think" to a polka beat, but he joins Jan and the boys anyway.

Car chases and assorted mayhem ensue. After many tribulations, the boys regain their previous success and save the orphanage or pay off Jan's defrauded creditors depending on which ending trial movie audiences prefer.

Previous sequels to "The Blues Brothers" were less successful than the original since they retained the same tired blues / soul format. Jan Lewan's updated version not only has a true-life documentary aspect but its soundtrack would be the same polka beat that has packed 'em in at Musik (with a k) fest for decades. There's a lot of anticipation for the final Harry Potter movie, but, for polka lovers, Jan Lewan's epic is the one we eagerly await.