Fox News created a great brouhaha a couple of years ago when national retailers instructed their salespeople to wish customers "Happy Holidays". "They're taking the 'Christ' out of Christmas! This is another sign of America's decline!" Apparently, Fox News remembers when the Schuylkill Expressway was jammed with traffic on a Sunday morning headed for church instead of to the Eagles game. Ah, the good old days. They didn't actually exist, but they were terrific anyway.
Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity have a new bone to pick this year. Macy's announced yesterday that it will open all its stores at midnight on Thanksgiving for the first time ever. It will be offering Black Friday Specials starting at that time.
Macy's plan is actually more insidious than it appears on the surface. Its prime Black Friday Special, sure to draw families from fellowship over pumpkin pie, is a $65 Justin Bieber limited-edition fragrance gift set including a 3.4 ounce eau de parfum spray and the singer's new holiday CD. This is totally un-American! "3.4 ounces" is 500 grams. It's a blatant attempt to indoctrinate American youth into the metric system. "Eau de Parfum" sounds French to me. What ever happened to good old Americanized "Toilet Water"? Lastly, Justin Bieber is Canadian. What sort of holidays from The Great White North is he singing about? "We Wish You a Merry Boxing Day"? "Joy to the World. Victoria Day Is Come"? "Good King Wenceslas Looked Down on the Feast of Canada Day"?
I can hear Bill O'Reilly now. "First, they secularized Christmas. Now they're going after Thanksgiving. We kicked those Canadians' behinds in the War of 1812 and this is their revenge. Wake up, America!"
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