Advertising is the art of convincing consumers to purchase things that they neither want nor need. An effective advertising ploy is pretension. "Your appreciation of this product makes you a better person than the guy in the next cubicle."
Wine labels are the perfect vehicle for pretension in advertising. An actual chardonnay label reads, "Aromas of peach and melon greet you with slight hints of spice and vanilla. On the palate, white fruit and nectarine with spice lead to a crisp, dry finish. This is a perfect summer wine and matches well with shellfish or with friends on the patio."
Why, yes. My refined nose picked up those peach, melon, spice, and vanilla scents immediately and distinguished between them though I really couldn't determine which melon (perhaps muskmelon?) or which spice (definite indications of Sumatran cardamon). My trained palate sensed white fruit (from the apartheid tree?) and nectarine with spice (Let's see, there was Scary, Posh, Baby, and Nectarine with Spice, right?). I can't wait until summer to enjoy this wine while eating shellfish and especially while nibbling on friends on the patio. So few wines go with both shellfish and human flesh. Shrimp on the Barbie or Bob From Next Door on the patio grill, this wine is the perfect complement.
Maybe that is not what the wine advertisers meant. Still, one imagines pretentious cannibals flocking to purchase this particular vintage.
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