Secret Santa

I dreaded the Secret Santa Gift Exchange back in my working days. Invariably, I received a gift I had no use for but would have to display at least through January. "Oh wow! A paper weight with a jolly winter scene inside! Thanks a lot."

Secret Santa visited the Department of Homeland Security last week bearing three new surveillance drones. The problem is that DHS doesn't have operators or satellite band width for the seven drones that they already possess. In fact, the existing drones can only fly five days per week, so if you're planning to smuggle drugs or enter the country illegally, you really want to do it on weekends. Car rental and border hotel rates are cheaper then, too.

An anonymous Homeland Security official stated, "We didn't ask for these drones." How, then, in this time of burgeoning Federal deficits and threats to shut down the government if the debt ceiling is not raised. did DHS receive $32 million worth of aircraft that they can't operate anyway? Was $32 million the Secret Santa Gift Limit between Washington departments this year? "Darn, I drew Justice in Secret Santa, where can I find $32 million worth of gavels? Those things never wear out, but our judges will need them eventually, won't they?"

Actually, Homeland Security's Secret Santa is the Congressional Unmanned Systems Caucus. These fifty congressmen all have drone manufacturers or suppliers in their districts and those manufacturers expect some return for their $1.6 million in campaign contributions. Apparently, the $240 million spent for drones since 2005 isn't enough.

Homeland Security can always do what I did with my unwanted Secret Santa gifts. Hide them away for a few years and re-gift them. I can imagine the scene at the Department of Agriculture just before Christmas, 2015. "Oh wow! Three surveillance drones! Thanks so much, Homeland Security. We can use them as tiny, tiny grain silos until we figure out how to operate them."