Creative Questions

It's not easy being in Corporate Human Resources nowadays. Simple questions to job candidates like, "How old are you?", "Do you have children?", or "What gender are you anyway? That hairdo really confuses me." could expose the company to discrimination lawsuits.

The "HR Specialist" newsletter suggests these "creative" questions. I added what are appropriate (A) and inappropriate (I)responses.

1. What s the most useful criticism you've ever received?

(A) Please save some of those brilliant cost-saving ideas. The company is making too much money this year!

(I) Please take a shower every once in a while. Your body odor is killing the spider plant in the next cubicle.

2. What frustrates you at work and what do you do about it?

(A) The cleaning people turn off the lights when they are done about 2 AM. This frustrated hard-working me until I bought one of those headband-mounted flashlights. Now I can work until dawn.

(I) The cleaning people make too much noise. This frustrated me until I brought in my trusty AK-47. I point it at them and they quiet down considerably.

3. Describe a time you had to sacrifice quality to meet a deadline.

(A) The CEO collapsed right in front of me with acute appendicitis. Realizing that moments mattered, I removed his appendix with my bare hands following instructions from my i-Phone. I love technology! With more time, I'd have sharpened my belt buckle into a scalpel, of course.

(I) The CEO collapsed right in front of me with acute appendicitis. Realizing that moments mattered, I removed his ATM card, made a massive withdrawal and returned it before they hauled him away. I love technology! With more time, I'd have cleaned out all his bank accounts, of course.

4. Tell me about a time when your communication skills had an impact.

(A) The CEO and I were testifying before one of those pesky Congressional committees. They asked why we had flown to Washington on a private jet to ask for a bailout. I saved the day by pointing out that the private jet was fueled exclusively with recycled cooking oil from the Congressman's district! We got the bailout.

(I) The CEO and I were testifying before one of those pesky Congressional committees. They asked why we had flown to Washington on a private jet to ask for a bailout. I pointed out that the private jet was powered exclusively by adorable puppies running on a treadmill. When they got tired we tossed them overboard and put a new team of puppies to work. We tossed the tired, but still adorable puppies directly over pet-loving homes in the Congressman's district! We got the bailout.

Creative questions require creative responses.