Side Effects

Back in the day, Carter's Little Liver Pills were prominently advertised on TV. There was no mention of side effects and no mention of benefits other than the implied fact that they were, in fact, little and they probably did some good for your ailing liver.

That was then. Nowadays drug advertisements are legally required to list side effects. There's the well-known and somewhat comical "See your doctor for an erection lasting more than four hours". Try explaining that one to little Josh and Tiffany, though it must lead to hilarity during coffee breaks at doctors' offices. "Got another call from Grandpa Jones this morning. He and Grandma must have had a good time last night because he can't get his pants on to go out and milk the cows."

Most side effect warnings are not comical at all and might frighten the potential user. A smoker wanting to quit the habit with the new drug Chantix is warned, "If you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, anxiety, panic, aggression, anger, mania, abnormal sensations, hallucinations, paranoia, or confusion, stop taking Chantix and call your doctor right away."

This would lead to an entirely different "war story" exchanged during that doctors' office coffee break. "Grandma Jones called this morning. Old Grandpa is threatening to jump off the barn roof again and claims that the cows are yelling "Jump! Jump! Jump!" I told her to toss him up a pack of Marlboros and a lighter. This job was a lot easier when all we had to do was explain that Carter's Little Liver Pills aren't really made from liver."