There Will Be Blood

The quarterly visit from the Bloodmoile was always a highlight in Cubicle World.

Work groups would compete for the highest percentage of blood donors. The boss would sidle up to your desk and say, "Your Annual Performance Review is coming up, and I'd really like to put in a good word for you. I'd also really like to beat out Accounts Payable for the Blood Donor Trophy this time. I know you've had that problem with hepatitis and if you don't mention that hemophilia issue, your pint may put us over the top!"

Actually, the unionized guys from the Shop would win the Trophy every time. Their contract gave them the day off if they donated blood, so they would fill up all the early morning slots and wave derisively as they pulled out of the parking lot on their way home.

This left the late morning slots open and by then, I'd be hungry. The Bloodmobile poster always promised "great snacks and juice". I'd donate a pint of blood and eagerly race to the snack table to find store-bought cookies and what appeared to be Tang. The cookies weren't even real Oreos but some generic Sam's Club brand. My blood was top grade. Why were the cookies and juice Brand X?

They say that all good ideas originate on the West Coast and work their way east. Disneyland, iPhones, and Ronald Reagan come to mind. Here's another. The AP reports, "A Washington State blood center is offering donors a deal - Give a pint of blood. Get a pint of beer. Donors who are at least 21 are given a coupon for a free pint of beer which they must wait four hours to redeem."

Now that beats the crap out of generic Oreos and Tang!

During this era of corporate belt-tightening (except for executive bonuses, of course), one imagines Human Resources announcing, "We really don't have funding for beer at this year's Company Picnic, but if everyone donates blood and saves the coupons, the softball game will be the as alcohol-soaked and hilarious as ever."