Thursday, March 11, 2010

Live Table Games

A billboard along I-95 in Delaware caught my eye. It showed an attractive young lady peering over a hand of playing cards and was captioned "Live Table Games, Delaware Park".

Now, as a life-long speaker of good old American English, I understood this to mean that the poker, roulette, and blackjack games there are run, not electronically, but by human beings who may or may not be as cold-bloodedly effective at relieving gamblers of their money as a computer set for a certain "take". All the more reason to head south from PA when gambling fever strikes.

But what might a non-native English speaker take from this caption? If the definition of "life" is respiration, waste production, and potential to reproduce, what manner of table games are these that may suck the oxygen out of the room, poop all over my new shoes, and potentially outrage my sensibilities with shameless acts of sexuality? Would PETA require the disclaimer, "No tables were harmed in the spin of this roulette wheel"?

Or taking it another way, "Live Table" games implies sentient tables in athletic or mental contests. "Ps-s-st, Buddy. Put your money on the mahogany dining room table. That stained cherry dry bar was out last night boozing it up." Actually, "Live Table" games would be less exciting than Olympic Curling. I'm not traveling to The Diamond State for that.

Clearly, the term "Live Table Games" is intended to keep non-native English speakers out of Delaware Park's casino.

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