Reality Bites

The Amazing Race won the Emmy as top reality show the last few years running. It features twelve pairs of contestants "in a race around the world". The pairs can be described in two-word-maximum subtitles. This year, the Race includes "Cowboy Brothers", "Lawyer Moms", and the ever-popular "Dating Models". Pretty much every race has included "Dating Models", a boy-girl pair straight from a jeans ad proving that looks conquer brains when TV ratings are at stake.

Sunday's episode found the contestants in Hamburg, Germany where they had to consume a heaping bowl of sauerkraut before a cavorting polka band completed a stirring rendition of the ever-popular "Sauerkraut Polka" followed by a mad dash to a tavern where they had to down a large quantity of beer. After that, they had to take a taxi to the check-in point. One guy found that the sauerkraut didn't agree with him and vomited copiously which was. of course, captured in all its glory on camera. Now there's a film clip to save for posterity.

Several teams experienced a different sort of gastric distress during the cab ride which led to the taxi's windows being quickly opened to eliminate noxious fumes. Again, this is just the sort of thing that one wishes to be broadcast on network prime time TV. Think of the children!

I had a similar experience though sadly not captured on camera. Just prior to completion of our stint at Fort Belvoir, my Engineer Officer Training class received funding for a picnic. The Army's Post Exchange Fund provided just enough money for a keg of beer and several pans of baked beans. We consumed the beer and beans in record time and found ourselves packed into the back of 2-1/2 ton trucks for the journey back to Ft Belvoir. We could handle the diesel exhaust fumes back there. After all we were used to it after 10 weeks. The flatulence was a different matter. It started as "boys will be boys" fun, but quickly degenerated into a "how long can I keep my lunch down?" ordeal.

We were not exactly "Dating Models", "Lawyer Moms" or "Cowboy Brothers" and Reality TV had not as yet been invented, but imagine the ratings for a truckload of young Army lieutenants gasping and retching. That's entertainment.