The Right to Bear Fowl

Mark Johnson of Lower Saucon Township gave up his pet rooster this week. The rooster repeatedly escaped from his cage and "bit or scratched passers-by with his spurs". "None of the walkers suffered serious injury, but police cited Johnson under the township's nuisance ordinance." He was fined hundreds of dollars.

Don't give up, Mark! The NRA (National Rooster Association) stands ready to help. Your 2nd Amendment rights have clearly been violated. NRA research shows that the Founding Fathers realized that many Americans back in 1791 could not afford a firearm, but still needed to protect their hearth and home. That is why the 2nd Amendment reads "the right to bear arms" not "the right to bear firearms". In post-colonial times, an "Attack Rooster" was the poor man's sole protector. Only Foghorn Leghorn stood between our forefathers and a capricious government intent on taxation and tyranny. The Founding Fathers knew that.

The courts have repeatedly upheld our fundamental right to self-protection. The "Castle Doctrine" allows us to fire away at intruders onto our property without warning or penalty. Firearms are certainly the most effective means of doing so, but you lose valuable time finding your gun, loading it, and tracking down the intruder. An "Attack Rooster", on the other hand, stands perpetual guard and will immediately fly to your family's defense.

Milquetoast Liberals might claim the same protection from a dog. Pish - Posh! A few Milk Bones and Fido will follow that intruder out the door with his ill-gotten gains. You can't bribe a rooster with food.

Over the years, those misguided Liberals have limited our 2nd Amendment rights with gun registration requirements, limits on carrying concealed weapons, and requiring trigger guards. We can circumvent these by using Attack Roosters for protection. Let Obama and his crowd try registering every rooster in America. Let the Feds frisk us for Foghorn Leghorn under our coat. They'll get a pecking they'll never forget . Let them try to fit a muzzle over Foghorn's beak.

Hang in there, Mark. You had the right idea. The Constitution says so.